Hesitation
by Lady Yami Megami
Summary: A teenager Hawke with family issues decides to move to Tervinter to keep the Templars away from her family, but what the Imperium had for her was not something she could call pleasant. Having to deal with a name built in Kirkwall the mage will have much to do and much to learn where the mages rule upon everything. Reviews make me happy. Rating changed due smut.
1. This is my story

**Hesitation**: Chapter one; "_This is my story_".

_"I'm not calling you a liar, just don't lie to me._

_I'm not calling you a thief, just don't steal from me._

_I'm not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me..._

_And I love you so much, I'm gonna let you... kill me."_

**Notes**: I changed few details about the family structure making the siblings younger. Also, this is set as AU. I hope you enjoy this Fiction Story as much as I enjoyed writing it. There's some parts as 'flashbacks' about Hawke's childhood and she's the one to relate them. These are the only parts in first person. By the way, Hawke's name here is Ilsen even though everyone would refer to her by her surname.

* * *

_When I was born, mother and father loved me so much. I was happy back then, playing with mother's hair and having father to read me before sleep. Then Bethany and Carver came, I was just two years older and suddenly I felt as if instead of siblings to play with I had enemies trying to cling to our parents and make them forget about me. I hated them out of jealousy. I regret that childish feeling I had back then. But there's no way back and undo what you feel. Actually, that idea sounds funny. If that's so, maybe I..._

_Nevermind. When I was eight years old, I remember coming back home and everyone was having a horrible straight face. I glanced around, nobody seemed to notice that I was home, they were too busy on Bethany clinging to father's clothes as she cried deeply saying that she didn't want to leave. I wanted to ask, but I bit my lip and walked into my room. I had such interesting book to resume reading. Heartless? It may sound like that, but you can't blame a jealous child for that, can you? I didn't feel concerned at that moment but later, when father told me about magic and what was 'wrong' with Bethany. It was wrong. Since mother glanced at me, at how I sat unhearing his words as if it was something I was living in my own flesh in silence and the colors of her face faded away turning her rosy skin into pale marble. She realized I kept myself quiet about it, she knew I was too independent to tell anyone I could use magic too._

_I never had many friends and at some point I can tell you none of them were what a mother wanted around her child. Since that wasn't enough, I had to inherit father's abilities just like Bethany, and just because I set distance between my family and I, everyone thought I was so strong I didn't need anyone to comfort me. Carver feeling shadowed by my independent behavior, started a childish rivalry against me, and since I hate losing... I followed his game._

_My first kiss, was when I was twelve, with the girl Carver liked and I did it just to piss him off. I didn't date her nor liked her, oh man, she was as ugly as a troll. But I hate losing. I think Carver hates me the most for being interesting, the fact I don't feel like caring makes people approach me and ask me for help. Since the family was... like that, mother spent so much time with Bethany making the good, lovingly, concerned and sweet daughter into the favorite. But we didn't care, we understood that was for good. Compete for mother's love wasn't what we wanted Carver and I, anyway my childhood had no freedom, nor Bethany's. At some point father just had us in our leash because was too dangerous we could do... something. Always under vigilance. I... I loved him, but also I wanted to enjoy my time as child. I wasn't as spoiled as Carver or Bethany, somewhat it felt like I was... unwanted._

_The same year father died. I never felt so... unprotected. Somewhat just his silhouette through the little space under the door of my room at night made me feel so safe. I was old enough to know that our secret had to be protected as father's and then, just then, is when I became concerned about us as family. And then, the calm, fuzzy and safe feeling of a home was burned to ashes... we ran away hoping to reach somewhere. Anywhere. When I was almost fifteen years old._

Her knees were shaking, Ilsen Hawke for first time in her life felt regretful and so tired to the point she could not care less about how obvious was that she was about to cry. These moments, with Aveline glancing at her by the corner of her red eye due restraining her tears, but she had to be strong and bring her sister and her mother safely to Kirkwall. Then, violently, the young female stood on her feet and rubbed her eyes mumbling something. It was hard to leave Bethany's corpse behind, like that. Their steps rose the dust, a silent crunching sound leaving marks of their survival behind them. The witch fulfilled her part of the deal, and Ilsen glancing behind for a short moment determined that she'll fulfill hers, her hand enclosed around the amulet and resumed walking beside Carver.

-Is that a ship? -Her brother broke the silence, after few hours walking without a rest. Ilsen tilt her head aside, unlike her sibling her dark red hair and blue-grayish eyes was more... flashing. Even more with the twilight reflecting on her mane and making her tired eyes look aggressive. The eldest sister clicked her tongue and glanced at the horizon. The beach acquired the tone of ashes mixed with blood, unable to distinguish what were rocks and what corpses she turned her eyes to Carver.

-I don't know, it is? -Her sarcastic tone made Carver bow his head and exhale tiredly, feeling too exhausted to add anything as reply to his sister's sarcasm. Aveline started running dragging their mother along. The ship was about to leave and maybe it was too late already but they had to desperately cling to something and gladly it wasn't too late. Carver sighed refreshed at least and smiled brightly for the first time in the day. Ilsen Hawke just leaned against the wood of the insides of the ship. All the refugees didn't look like many of them survived, and Ilsen sighed again rubbing her forehead. How many of them would survive, How many weren't sick? Instinctively her hand reached her mother's and Carver's pulling them closer.

-Sister...? -Carver mumbled coughing, surprised and obviously embarrassed, quickly making her sister loosen her grip and lean on his shoulder. But she remained clinging to both like a little child. Her eyes closed slowly, her breath softly caressing her brother's neck, warm and slow making the strands of his auburn hair tickle his neck.

-Just... let me sleep... For a while, Carver.

-She must be tired. -Aveline said, looking as tired as the others. The blood was still on the eldest daughter's face, dry and shattering as she mumbled in her sleep. Aleandra moistened the tip of her finger and cleaned her daughter's face as much as she could although she was sleeping soundly. Then Aveline sat beside Aleandra and sighed embracing her knees trying not to disturb the other refugees.

-My condolences.

-My condolences to you too. -Aleandra said softly but solemnly. The next days they remained in almost total silence, and when the landed Ilsen was the first one to jump outside. So energetic as if nothing happened the past days. Aveline almost smiled at that, showing how young and active could a girl of her age be. Carver, strolled behind his sister to where some refugees were having problems with the guards. Aleandra startled, eavesdropping that they weren't letting any more refugees into the city. Ilsen was already sulking in silence, two weeks in a horrible ship didn't count?

-There must be someone we can talk with? -The eldest sister said massaging her temples with the tips of the fingers. Advancing towards the guard as she spoke.

_The result of that was a year paying debts. Gamlen sold... lost in a gamble, what didn't belong to him but to mother and us. In result, Carver and I had to work hard for the people who paid our entrance in the city. Since I was barely fifteen there, the next year around my sixteen anniversary was when I met Varric. _

_Defending an apostate was hard, defending two, harder. When you know what mages are capable to do you wish nothing but lock them into the Gallows and throw the key to the sea. Because, all mages will or actually use blood magic. It's safer to shove them into a prison and never let them enjoy the freedom every living being should have. The innocent mages were dangerous, they use them as weapon, they manipulate us, they turn anyone wanting freedom into a tranquil. But, still there's more mages adepts to dark magic than use them for a good reason. You know? I didn't ask for all of this, I had no choice but born as mage and dream with The Fade. Be strong and keep the demons away from me. Mages have rights, but also, they don't. Do you know why? Because when repressed people gets power, the innocent spoil and the evil blooms._

_Then, the new thing was doing all the jobs and little stuff to get all the money so I could to invest on my brother's death. I really shouldn't have bought him with me. What is money, a home, anything at all... compared to losing your sister? After losing Bethany I was blamed twice by mother. I could sense her hatred trying to remain unseen. Yet, still there. The way she looked at me, the way she spoke thinking deeply what her word would be. I could feel it, as if she was stabbing me with these eyes that never looked at me longer than a minute. _

Exiting the abandoned house, Ilsen glanced over her shoulder to Carver and checked he was okay but his face said otherwise making the eldest turn her head and see a group of armored people she never seen before. Assuming that was because the chest she extended her arm and pulled her brother behind herself, he responded with a grunt. Obviously, Carver wasn't fond of her caring attentions, if she said white at that moment he would jump and yell black.

-Whoever who gets out of that house will die!

Oh why, thank you. Ilsen unsheathed the staff from her back resting on her back and rushed in middle of the battle quickly picking on some random person to fight on while Varric and the rest did the same. Usually, mages shouldn't do close combat but Ilsen didn't want to burn the tree in middle of the plaza. Blood splattering everywhere splashing the exposed skin of her arms. It was a strange mixture, warm and quickly cold as her movements lead into a fierce battle. Being kicked to the ground, Hawke was step on by a man, his boot pressing against her stomach made her dwell into pain and roughly cough but before the sword in his hands had time to be pulled down, her staff buried into the flesh of his thigh, spurting flames which burned his skin. A cry, her opportunity to move rolling on her back, dragging along the ankle of the man to make him fall, she ended the scene pointing the end of the wooden staff on his face and let a sphere of flames hit his face brutally, making the man cry in pain as he rolled on the ground.

Ilsen remained on her knees and her hand guided the flame quickly turning that man in a pile of ashes. With her erratic breath turned into pants and soon enough her face was painted with his blood letting some drop down her chin.

The battle wasn't over, but didn't last too long before she dropped the staff and fell on her knees and sit on the ground still panting. Her red hair felt sticky, the long tresses fell on her shoulders and she then noticed that her hair rubber broke. Varric advanced towards her and patted her head while placed Bianca on his back. Ilsen couldn't help but laugh.

-What is this supposed to be? I'm a big girl, you know? -She said barely containing her laugh and the Dwarf smiled as if checking that she was okay relieved him. Varric was easy to become attached to.

-Well, big girls sometime need a good head patting too. -He said retiring his hand from her head and letting the eldest Hawke get up.- Look at you, your face is all red.

-I would really appreciate a good bath right now. -She sneered cracking her neck, sheathing the staff on her back with a smirk. Aveline joined the party to leave. It could be nicely called a day. All they had to do before go sleep tight was report to Anso. But the luck was not siding them. But luck wasn't something Hawke's had, not at all.

-Big deal. -Carver said glancing at her by the corner of his eye, he looked like just slaughtered a pig with his bare hands. Making Aveline comment about it.

-Come tomorrow to the Hangman, we can play cards. -Varric said with a smirk placing again Bianca at his back. Everyone was leaving, then Ilsen set her hand onto the dwarf's shoulder with a little hesitation making Varric lift his eyebrows.- Something wrong, Hawke?

-Huh... Well, a little bit. -There wasn't a deadly apostate but a young girl unsure about what to say, flinching, the auburn girl twirled a lock of her hair in a really slow and meek way. Not used to the soft and feminine Hawke Varric rose his eyebrows once again assuming it was serious.- I might leave Kirkwall.

Varric's eyes flashed wide.

-There must be a reason. Let's head to the Hangman, it feels awkward to talk about this in middle of the sewers.

-True that.

Few minutes walking in complete silence made the situation stiff, even Varric who was the best as making situations like that turn into more comfortable ones didn't feel saying anything smart or funny to cheer up Hawke. Meaning he took the announcement seriously, and she walked beside him in silence with a bit of luck without trouble they reached the pub-bar-hostel without any unwanted encounter.

They sat in one of the tables at the very corner, the artificial yellowish light made Hawke's eyes sparkle with a golden dyed blue hue. Her gaze low, tilting her head aside as she put her hands over the dirty and sticky table whilst playing with her thin dainty fingers.

-So, Templars been around Gamlen's house lately. They even bothered mother and soon the scared shitless of my uncle will talk. I know it. I want to do few things before leave, first of all I want to get back mother's household and get Carver some status so he can join the guards. Also, I'm taking some extra-classes from Anders, so it'll go smooth when I get to Tervinter.

-You're doing... You know, that stuff?

-Not blood magic. -Hawke said firmly, her hands curled into fists and clenched.- So, I almost have all the money for the expedition, I'm pretty sure I'll have it all this week. I'll re-buy Amell's state and then go to Tervinter. With some luck I'll get there safely and all my worries will be "who'll try to kill me today?" which is far better than "will the Templars find about me and drag me to the Gallows?" Better than think about if I oppose to them they'll turn me into a tranquil.

-I... I understand what you mean but aren't you rushing all of this, Hawke? -Varric scratched his scalp messing his perfect ponytail and she smiled warmly.

-Whatever happens, I'm a big girl. Everyone says I'm strong. You know I'm that kind of person who clings to life like there's no tomorrow. To kill me they'll need a damn legion. Don't worry, I'm still here. It's not like it's gonna be a immediate thing. I just wanted to tell you.

-Getting sentimental, aren't we? -The dwarf snorted to finally grin.- If there was any bet, I'd put all my money on you.

-Oh, I'm flattered Varric! -She grinned- I'd hug you but that probably would make Bianca mad.

-For sure.

They both grinned at each other and ordered some beer as if that conversation didn't mean they wouldn't see each other after she left. Probably. Ilsen never had many friends. Varric was actually the first person she could ever call a friend. Real one. She'd miss that funny dwarf, but he knew she did it for good.


	2. I hate parties

**Hesitation**: Chapter two; "_I hate parties_".

_"There's a ghost in my lungs and it sighs in my sleep,_

_Wraps itself around my tongue, as it softly speaks_

_then it walks, then it walks with my legs_

_To fall, to fall, to fall, at your feet."_

* * *

Three years been since she rebuilt a status in Kirkwall for her family, and certainly all the money and popularity made her Tervinter life more easy. If not, was interesting seeing she had at least three duel request at day. So young and experienced in magic that even some Magisters wanted her as apprentice to raise their status, not vice versa as it should be. Most of the advanced magic knowledge she had was from Anders who patiently instructed her for so much time. Three months in Tervinter and actually she had a nice and small house in the outskirts of the Imperium. No servants, no slaves. Ilsen Hawke was there by her own and just surrounded by books. She didn't like much all the slavery and blood magic, but she was no one to complain about it.

Actually many people came to see her, even though she hated visitors because all they wanted was kick or kiss her ass. At least, they tried.

Hawke brushed her long bangs out of her sight and held them on top of her head when she heard someone knocking at the door. Puffing she got up, brushing her hair back to behind her shoulders, its long was past her hips and the auburn curls bounced with her steps to the door where a young woman stood with a meek look on her face.

-Not interested. -Hawke mumbled closing the door again before the woman could say anything. When she was turning on her heels, the knocks turned more insistent as if pleading and Ilsen couldn't help but turn again and open the door again, leaning on the door's frame with her eyelids dropping in half giving to her face a boring yet attentive look.- Spit it out.

-My name is Hadriana, I came specially to give you this invitation from Magister Danarius. -The black haired apprentice handed her a excellent and fancy invitation.- He asked for your attendance confirmation, Lady Hawke.

-Why would he want me in the party anyway? I don't even know him. -Ilsen patted her forehead with the corner of the invitation giving a stern look to Hadriana who squirmed backwards as if fearing Ilsen would kick her down the entrance stairs.- I'm not very fond with Tervinter's manners but this just sounds plain weird.

-But is a big honor, Lady Hawke! Usually Magisters don't invite...

-People like me, isn't it? -Hawke smirked at Hadriana's blush. It was funny to see how much she could push her before she'd give up. Not every day she got an invitation to some strange party from someone she never met. Hadriana made her think of a weasel, one who would anything to please her Magister.- Sounds fishy, tell me about it.

-There's nothing to be afraid of, Lady Hawke. Imperium parties are just big reunions to knowledge exchanging which would be very handful to advance into politics or as mage. Tervinter has a long history about reunions, which as fancy as it may sound, is more like a chatting with food, drink and some music. Of course etiquette is a must and is a terrible honor to receive such invitation.

Hawke had her doubts, remarking them with a eyebrow slowly moving upwards and her rosy full lips curled into a forced smile. Glancing again the invitation made a long pause where Hadriana started at her intently, expecting her answer. Behind her, Ilsen could see the high towers of The Circle of Magi, the foreshadows of the Juggernauts and the horizon bathing with the intense light of morning the complicated designs of the Imperium capital.

She was thinking to withdraw the offer, in fact she was displeased with the thought of hanging around Magisters. A party full of them didn't sound so good, yet she never been in any kind of party before and simply nodded at Hadriana.

-Okay, I'll _just_ go. -She sneered pulling the door roughly, to slam it into the frame where remained closed. The mage stood still in the same spot she been since the door closed and lowered her head. So she needed a decent etiquette dress? In all the glory of the Maker that dresses weren't really her thing.

Her blue-grayish eyes rolled back and forth and started picking her books, bringing them to her bed where she laid and resumed her lecture laying on her side and using her palm to hold her chin. After all she loved reading and unwrapping the mysteries of magic.

Still with three days ahead to pick a dress for such... wonderful party, Hawke directed her attention to her lecture and training with the staff. Wasn't until the day before when she finally got out of her house and hissed at the sunlight, so many time spent indoors made her eyes accustomed to dark spaces and the soft dim light of the candles.

Ilsen rubbed her eyes, yawning as her step started taking the way to the high town of Tervinter. Tailors, books, weapons, fine armors, potions, ingredients for alchemy, food stands with the finest delicatessen... It made her stomach growl demanding food but she just clenched her teeth and walked into a random tailor. Peeking at the overly long, feminine, lady like dresses she rolled her eyes, perhaps if any of them didn't look like wedding dress for nuns it would awake her interest.

Who said etiquette involved long skirts and turtle neck? It was so demure it looked like a convention of nuns. What was that, the Chantry? Ilsen strolled through the mannequins thinking about how ridicule she'd look with any of those dresses and finally giggled at a pompous pink dress adorned with too many ribbons. Obviously, Orlesian.

Male outfits were way more interesting and cooler. So mixing the upper part of one of the dresses and the lower part of a man's one, the tailor made the arrangements taking her measures to adjust it to her height and small body shape. All she had to think about was a long relaxing bath and what would she do with her long mane. Make up? No, thank you.

It was in the evening when Hawke got out from the tube and proceed to dry herself. Her wet hair was brushed and she glanced at her reflection in the mirror. One night of beauty sleep did miracles. The eye bags were gone so were the dark circles. Then, wearing nothing but the towel she strolled into her room and laid down for a while until felt that her hair stopped dripping so she could now get into her attire. She picked the first undies she saw in the drawer and then pulled the pants up, then the white shirt of baggy elbow sleeves. Over it a dark blue corset matching her eyes, since it had the cordon at the front was quite easy to tie it without any kind of help. Black satin pants, a silk shirt and a high quality leather corset, not to mention the knee length boots made of the same material as the corset. To add a more feminine look she took the Amell's necklace her mother gave to her and smiled at her image on the mirror.

The hair was almost dry but it looked fresh, the wild and beautiful curls of her long mane framed her moon shaped face and her cheeks has a natural rosy tone, with a good sleep her lips looked like fresh strawberries. So red in comparison with her snow white skin. Ilsen forced a smile to the reflection of herself and picked the invitation shoving it in the only pocked of her pants. Conjured her staff invisible and left the house. After all she was going somewhere dangerous and wouldn't let any risks to menace her.

Danarius house wasn't that far, it seemed more like a relaxing mansion outskirts from the city. More like a second residence than actually the house of a Magister. As she got closer to the mansion, two guards stopped her and she showed the invitation. The silver necklace seemed to feel so cold, and the emblem of mother's family for a moment felt heavier.

-L-Lady Hawke? -The auburn mage turned on her heels few steps away from the open doors of the Magister's mansion. The blonde vision of Feynriel made her widen her eyes with surprise. He made a handsome young man and for first time in so long truly smiled at the half elf apprentice.

-Feynriel! I see Imperial life treated you good, huh? You grew taller? -He blushed and scratched the back of his neck embarrassed, Hawke couldn't help but smile widely at that reaction and approached him to pat gently his shoulder.- You did! You cheater! I want your secret!

-Lady Hawke... Please, it's embarrassing.-He blushed even more stepping aside, his eyes neglected hers avoiding looking into them. Saying that and acting like that only made Hawke want to pick on him a little more wondering how much redder he could go.

-It's been so long since I saw you the last time, isn't normal? Let's remember I was in your dreams. That's a pretty intimate relationship ours, isn't it? -Bingo, Feynriel went totally red and made her laugh as her hand moved behind him, patting his back.- Okay, I was kidding, no need to make that face.

-You look really stunning with that outfit, Lady Hawke. -He mumbled nervously, she tilt her head and placed her hands on her hips. Her long curly hair fell over her chest and tickled her knuckles. He was flustered and holding back not to tease him her lips curled into a gentle smirk facing the door again, all he could see now was her back covered with curls.

-Then why don't escort the stunning lady inside, Feynriel? We have so many things to talk about and it would be comforting to be close to a familiar face, don't you think so?

-Indeed I do, Lady Hawke.-The blonde half elf said shyly smiling, warping his arm around hers like a gentleman. Even though he was pretty red still, he seemed to enjoy himself as they got inside. Everyone was too busy with their chatting so Hawke peeked around looking for the host of the party but since none came to greet them they just moved away and leaned against a wall chatting about a little bit of everything, pretty afar the actual party yet in the main room like the other guests. Just, chatting the two of them catching up on the recent events.

-I'm glad everything is going that good for you, actually I was a little worried. Your mails seemed to describe this place like a hell hole, but fortunately I avoided the worse parts of Tervinter. But I'll admit it's tough. Also, your mother moved back with the Dalish. She's was still sad the last time I saw her, but that was two years ago.

-Oh yes, I still get some letters from her time to time. I'm studying hard, my Magister is actually a good and stern teacher. -He smiled, softly and gently making his eyes close a little bit. Ilsen was glad that Feynriel found his place and was happy with his new life.- I heard you became quite popular since you came here.

-Hawke always becomes the popular girl, what can I say? The Maker made me so awesome. -She replied mockingly.- Not to mention the looks. I know, I'm so humble.

He didn't know how to laugh about that, resulting in a really awkward laugh. They were still there chatting when a old man wearing Magister tunic's approached them with one of these smiles that freeze you in the spot. Not because it's pretty, just because it's creepy and gave the feel to grab your staff and hit him with it in the head until stops breathing. They glanced at each other, Feynriel quickly feigned a smile and Hawke made to copy that resulting in a well acted polite smile.

Hadriana shadowed him almost invisible at his back, doing her job as mage with no pride. All she seemed to do was flatter him and say how fantastic he was as he introduced himself as Danarius. That didn't help to the fact he was still giving shivers to Hawke and she was thankful no one would notice the simply speech of that man gave her repulsion goose bumps.

-Ilsen Hawke, but you should know that already since you sent your apprentice specially to give me the invitation. Excuse me if I sound rude but, do I know you? -Hawke tilt her head, the long locks slid to her shoulders exposing her clavicles and neck, not to mention the part where the cleavage should be was well buttoned and also there wasn't much to look at, even with a corset her breasts were big, normal or even interesting. They were just there. Enhanced by the corset, making them a little more appealing but still there.

-You don't know me, Messere Hawke. But I heard about you and your... adventures. -He said with that creepy smile again. He was a sinister old man with cruel blue eyes and ashes alike short hair, with a distinguished beard and a good status. His lids relaxed making his eyes half-closed as intended to look more attractive to her.- So I've heard you fought Dark Spawns many times.

-I lost my sister thanks to the Blight and the Dark Spawn. So yes, I fought with these horrible creatures many times. In Lothering and the Deep Roads. It's not something I'm pleased to talk about, Magister. -She brushed her bangs to behind her ears and stepped aside making contact arm to arm with Feynriel who was too busy lowering his head with respect than really paying attention the conversation.

-So I heard you're contingent, the rumors weren't exaggerating. Not even about your beauty.-Hawke's eyes widened and she felt like was a bliss the fact she didn't eat anything because she could throw it out in any moment before such low flattery.- Shall I offer a glass of wine, Messere Hawke?

-Oh, yes. Indeed. A drink would help a lot.

Danarius gestured to somewhere she wasn't really paying attention to exactly where. Feynriel wasn't helping and she could feel Hadriana's glare directed to her, obviously masked with a feigned smile. All that situation felt so wrong and made her shudder internally. Most of Mages in Tervinter were nothing but academics and blood ritual shippers, making them mostly weak in real combats where she was far more experienced at running around and not only rely on magic but actually use the staff to hit and defend herself. Their barriers only could keep them safe for a while but in the meantime they couldn't cast any spell or attack. It was only making the fight last longer. Once they used the barrier Hawke had for sure the fight won.

After few seconds, a tall, well anyone seemed tall in compared to herself, white haired elf approached her. His face was covered by his bangs since his head was lowered and the moment he poured wine into a glass for her his head lift a little making their eyes meet. Dark green hateful eyes which glared her and stabbed deep into her soul making her knees weak. His features were far beyond handsome, his softly tanned skin and the white marks under his chin and descending to where the feathered armor hid them except his arms in complicated yet beautiful designs. Hawke wasn't afraid but fascinated, her face remained indifferent at his glaring which surprised Danarius and Hadriana.

-Thank you. -She said, softly accepting the glass and that surprised even more the little group including the elf.

-You don't have to _thank_ him, he's a **slave**.-Hadriana interrupted. Hawke smirked aside and took a sip of her glass.

-I drank rat flavored whisky that tastes better than this.-She said rotating the glass around and looking directly at Hadriana, then advanced towards her and placed her hand on her shoulder with a charming smile her tone lowed to the point only her could hear her.- Do us a favor and shut your trap, nughumper.

-W-what? -The apprentice squealed stepping backwards.

-You are no one to tell me if I should thank anyone or not. You're pissed? Not used to anyone not faking respect towards you? Fuck you, this is what real life is. Not everyone is going to kiss your ass.-Then the auburn haired mage stepped backwards and returned beside her friend, patting Feynriel's shoulder. Using again her normal tone.- I think I'll take my leave here.

-Oh please don't, Messere Hawke. -Danarius quickly placed his hand on Feynriel's other shoulder and smiled. Something on her friend's reaction made Hawke widen her eyes and abruptly turn to look and how ashamed and pitiful the half elf bowed his head not daring to look at her in the eye again.- We would miss her, right Feynriel?

-Y...yes, Magister Danarius.

-You. Child molester, take your hands off him. He doesn't like it. -Danarius arched a eyebrow and politely moved his hand away with a gentle smile as if trying to prove he was innocent.- Thank you.

-Quite fierce, aren't you Messere Hawke?

-Maybe the lack of manners is something normal in the farms of Ferelden.-Scoffed Hadriana finally getting her chance to verbally attack Hawke who just chuckled and leaned against the wall folding her arms adobe her chest.

-I wouldn't like having a mouth that smells like shit permanently due the so much ass kissing. Oh, my apologies, did that sound rude? Let me change to other words... Hm... Rear kissing? Rump licking? Oh wait, butt flattering? So many options!

That seemed to amuse both the elf slave, who didn't say a word and had his head bowed but a imperceptible smile decorated his lips, and Danarius who seemed enjoying himself plenty with Hawke humiliating Hadriana.

-You're ruining any chance of getting forward in Tervinter, Hawke! -Hadriana sneered.

-If I remember properly, you're just an apprentice and the Magister it's your Master. I didn't hear him menacing me. Oh Maker's breath, I'm going deaf! -For the first time in that conversation Feynriel chuckled and looked at her, his lips motioned without making a sound but she could notice he was thanking her. Hawke smiled gently and brushed his blond hair motherly alike out of his eyes. That was enough for him to feel protected again, after all Ilsen sensed in the half elf a child alike behavior. Making her wanting to protect him. He was... quite like Bethany used to be when they were children.

-You sure do remember properly, Messere Hawke.-Danarius said, his cold hand placed now on her shoulder and moved a little too close destroying her comfort zone with that touch. He seemed to enjoy the feeling of her pearly skin, brushing his fingers around her shoulder trying to seductively massage it. He noticed his touch made her muscles tense and she leaned backwards cornering herself against the wall and took a deep breath.

Her voice lowered again.

-I'll chop your balls off, shove them down your throat and force you to swallow them if you don't move your hand away my persona.- The elf tensed looming and his arms quivered ready to punch her or at least attack when Danarius rose his hand smiling, his fingers clenched on her skin hurtfully. She didn't add a word and the Magister didn't move his hand away.

-Lady Hawke... -Feynriel gave her a kicked puppy face and she knew it wasn't a great idea keep her mouth say freely what was in her mind without process first into a more pleasant selection of words.

-I'm not... so fond of people touching me. Please retire your hand, _Magister_.-The words in her throat seemed like throw out dry spiked material out of her stomach.

-Even the wildest beasts can be tamed, Messere Hawke. I _enjoy_ taming creatures like you. So beautiful, charming and fierce turned into submission which is what their true nature wish. -He smiled, his fingers running up her neck disgustingly caressing her skin, brushing softly the end of her ear then following the shape of its shell with the tip of his index causing her to involuntary shiver that made him a pleased smirk.- My, my... Aren't we hungry? We should go to enjoy the feast I prepared for this special occasion. Shall we go?

The other guests gathered blatantly through the corridors to the mansion, decorated with luxurious painting and all the stuff which a Magister mansion would have. In fact she wasn't paying attention at all to the decoration. Danarius hand in her shoulder was bothering her enough, it felt if he was exhibiting a trophy. Which, she wasn't. She was cursing him inside her head, if the circumstances were different his hand would already bloody dropped on the ground but since it would be quite, really, troublesome she had to just keep her mouth shut.

How not, she had her seat beside Danarius, like Hadriana who sat in the opposite side of the Magister smiling cockily and proud of her status while Hawke looked like she was trapped in the Void. And the menacing glare of the elf slave behind her, very still behind Danarius, didn't help her to feel comfortable. At the other side of the table, Feynriel winced probably pitying her fortune.

At least she couldn't complain about the food, even though she ate like a little bird the dishes were so tasty furthermore she didn't leave so much left, usually she would take few bites and resume her study so her body got used to barely have many meals resulting that when she was hungry her stomach didn't allow too much food. Ilsen brushed her bangs behind her ear, maybe it was time to eat a little more from now on but at that moment, she was too full to take a single bite more.

-Did you enjoy the dinner, Messere Hawke? -Danarius asked, moderate and elegantly. Like a real host and even his smile seemed gentler and less creepy.- You haven't ate much.

-It was delicious but I don't eat much anyway. In fact, I'm surprised I ate this much. -She chuckled. Her dishes almost intact. Hadriana snorted scoffing, dissimulating such thing with feigned coughs.- I'm already full.

In fact she'd love to get the food down with a beer in the Hangman. Hawke puffed and leaned on her chair keeping some vapid conversation with random people and waiting until it was okay for her to leave. Abruptly she got up excusing herself, she'd just lock herself into the toilet and make time until the party was over. But, what she didn't expect was that Danarius himself told his slave to escort her.

-It's not like I'm going to steal the toilet paper. -She replied joking and the Magister just replied with a cold smile. Then she followed the white haired elf with a sigh, through the corridors their steps echoed so noisily it almost gave her a headache.- So... You have a name?

-Fenris. -The elf replied. A dry answer with a husky voice it made her knees fail for a moment, lose the trail of her steps and finally fall leaning against one of the walls.

-And that's why I hate heels. -She smiled forcefully getting herself up, yet she stood against the wall taking from her pocket a pipe, it was a long one with a little space for tobacco, small one and lit it taking a drag then crossed her arms adobe her chest, casually exhaling the smoke through her nose.- Can I ask you something?

He didn't reply, just bowed his head as affirmation.

-I'll take that as an affirmative reply. Do you.. like being like this? -She glanced through the window.- Be honest, please.

Again silence.

-Thought so. Would be okay if after the smoke I leave the party? I'm not very fond with Tervinter's manners. -Hawke asked resumed her walk.-

-It wouldn't. You should stay at least until the demonstration of power. -Hawke tilt her head and rose her eyebrows, Fenris didn't need more details to explain what was the power exhibition. Basically the point was that, the Magister itself or the apprentice would show something to demonstrate they were powerful. In that situation, Fenris explained that not always is the Magister, sometimes a property did it while he beholds. Like, artifacts and inventions. Things that would impress the guests.

-Boring.

Fenris stopped in the spot and glanced at her, his forehead crooked into a frown and his face showed her the cruelest hate, she did bet that Danarius told him to be kind of aggressive and show her what would happen if she didn't say as he did. She just gathered her hair with her hands and puffed from the pipe.

-Maybe the Templars were better company than this.-She concluded getting into the toilet, and Fenris tried to get in with her.- Maker, no!

Hawke pulled the door inwards and Fenris outwards, making the scene look like children fighting over a toy. It ended with Fenris getting in and folding his arms adobe his chest, panting. So Hawke was leaning on her knees after losing that stupid fight over if he would keep an eye on her in the toilet too.

-Seriously, I can't do anything if you're looking at me.

-I have orders.

-Fine, I'll just sit, smoke and bother you with never ending chat! Also, I'll piss myself! Sure, dude! That's so lady like, believe me nothing like piss yourself, it's like friendship or some poetic shit like "everyone can see it but only you can feel its warmth".

-And if I turn?

-You'll hear!

The conversation had no point. She had. At least Fenris thought it and bowed his head obediently leaving the toilet to give her some privacy. She came out after a minute, drying her hands with a little piece of red cloth which, assuming, was handkerchief. He noticed in a corner a embroidery with the same trinket as her necklace. His dark eyebrow lift under his bangs and she resumed walking back to the part when she all of sudden stopped turned on her heels to look at him. Her blue-grayish eyes looked so fierce for a moment and quickly softened her expression becoming gentle.

-I don't see people as random furniture objects. Even if in Tervinter it's the usual doing. I... apologize if I offended you, Fenris. -He remained frozen in his spot and Hawke sighed before resume her way into the dinner room with a wide feigned smile.

She approached Feynriel from behind placing her chin on his shoulder. Having to tiptoe to the extreme to do so and she had to arch her neck to do so.

-Here you are. -Danarius said appearing in front of them with that creepy smile again on his wrinkles. She forced herself to smile back at him and placed herself beside the half elf. The handkerchief still in her hand, she used to clench it , twisting her wrist behind her back until the tips of her fingers disappeared among the red fabric probably clawing her own palm.- I hope my little wolf helped you to find it. I wouldn't like you to get lost in this big house.

-His deadly glare was more than welcome, nothing like a "I'm going to kill you" look in some stranger eyes to make you feel like in your own home. -She scoffed, but that look in her eyes could tell it was anything but a joke.

Fenris became a little curious about her behavior. Maybe she was just nice because he's an elf? His role as slave was to bow his head and be obedient as mindless furniture. Just do as commanded but she actually treated him as a human being with the same rights as her. Her voice didn't raise a little, she didn't try to correct him and wanted to have a conversation with... him. She sure was a strange girl.

-You'd be even more welcome into my personal room when the party is over, Messere.- Danarius said with a sharp smile. A drop of blood fell behind her from her hand and she tilt her head smiling to his Master.

-I'm pretty sure I would be welcome, Magister. -Her voice as cold as ice seemed to hold back not to snarl her words which resulted into some angry purr.- But I'm so tired and busy with familiar matters I must reject such proposition. I'll just stay until the show it's over. I'd appreciate if that's soon, because I can barely keep my eyes open.

-How old are you Lady Hawke? -Feynriel scoffed. Drunk. She rolled her eyes and puffed away from her face a curly lock of auburn hair. Danarius seemed interested in her answer and she repeated the action.

-I'm close to nineteen. -She snarled, the Magister seemed surprised as equally pleased.

-But... you look so much younger, you know? When you smile! -Feynriel was too drunk, she took the glass of wine off his hands and preventing him to take a sip more drank the full content with a single gulp.

-Stop drinking if you can't handle alcohol. -She glared the floor and placed her hand on his cheek with a negative sigh, using her handkerchief to clean the sides of his mouth.- Don't serve him more alcohol. He's already intoxicated. Can this go faster? I want to leave as soon as possible.

Danarius seemed bothered, as if her actions were far too affectionate towards Feynriel and she frowned as he gathered the guests around, picked a random slave and then Fenris. She accepted another glass of wine as she watched how they stripped the white haired elf. The white marks glowed with a lyrium alike shine. Of course, it was lyrium burned into his flesh. His hand trespassed the other slave's chest, and there was no blood. She was amazed, yet she looked away with a sad look in her eyes.

It was cruel, and everyone applauded to it. Even when at the end Fenris got permission to take off the other's heart out his chest and knelt in front of Danarius offering it to him like a dog would offer to its owner a dead animal. Hard to swallow she avoided to look at them as helped Feynriel to walk towards the exit. Once she drop him at his house, few hours after because was almost impossible understand his drunk blabber.

Hawke was on her own and disenchanted the staff holding it tightly on her hand when the image of Fenris bathed on blood in middle of the way made her stop, flex her legs and acquire a guard position ready to throw at him a fireball. He remained there, silently looking at the ground. Hawke stepped aside changing her path. It was so awkward, she thought as noticed he followed her each time getting closer until she turned on her heels and pointed at him with the staff.

-So what is it? -Hawke grunted, actually making Fenris raise his face and giving he a kicked puppy face. Feeling horrible she lowered her hand and relaxed her posture. Fenris lift his hand and showed her the handkerchief she was clinging to in the party. Obviously, surprised she dropped her weapon soundly.- I'm... sorry. Really.

He didn't reply, offering it to her. His dark eyes hiding low as if a token of his obedience.

-Did Danarius sent you?

He nodded slowly.

-But it was hours ago... You been out ever since then?

He shook his head softly.

-So...?

-I was doing bedroom duty after the party. -He replied. Hawke tilt her head and knelt to pick up her staff. It wasn't so hard to get the meaning of that phrase, his voice tone didn't sound as it was a pleasant 'duty' and she couldn't help but sigh deeply.

-He did not even let you clean all the blood. Come in, I bet he won't mind if I let you wash your face. If he says anything tell him I said it myself and that I'd be very deceived if he punishes you.

Fenris didn't say anything but couldn't deny he was intrigued because such gentle words and the way she swung on her hips to resume walking to a small house. The stone walls weren't as detailed and decorated as Danarius' but yet it had a big garden with so many trees even though the house itself was small. Which was more strange is that she didn't have any servant or slave, so she was poor? Such quantity of books made him think he was wrong.

Hawke threw the staff over a couch and smiled brightly picking a hair rubber from a short table, messily gathering her long auburn mane into a loose topknot. She sat on the arm of the couch undoing her boots in silence.

-The bathroom is in that corridor, the second door at left. Take your time, Fenris. -The elf nodded obediently and made his way to the bathroom while she headed to her bedroom and took off the corset and the other clothes putting on her sleeveless, short, white nightgown.

She was fast at it so when she silently tiptoed out, knocked at the bathroom's door and it creaked inwards opening. He didn't close the door and had his face submerged into the sink full of water. Hawke leaned on the frame of the door and smiled gently as he rubbed his face enthusiastically with both hands, sure enjoying himself. Then, like a wild dog shook his head splashing everywhere.

-Oh Maker! -Hawke giggled running in to hand him a towel.- What a mess.

Fenris blushed and knelt on the ground planting his forehead on the marble floor. His shoulders tensed and started to shake for some reason she couldn't understand. Her thoughts slowly formed the idea of what was happening. Fenris expected a punishment. Ilsen puffed kneeling beside his head and gently started to dry his hair. He was shaking still so she held his head placing her snow white hands on his cheeks and made him raise his head to look at her.

-I do that too. -Ilsen smiled brightly.- Now get up and I'll write a note for Danarius. While I'm at it I'll give you some apples, do you like apples? Of course you do, everyone loves apples!

Hawke strolled peacefully into the small kitchen, washed some apples and handed to him before get into her bedroom for fifteen minutes. Fenris stood there looking at the apples and thinking about Danarius orders. He had to spy on her because she was his Master's new prey. Daring to move, he made a circle around the room glancing at the mountain of letters. Leaning to peek of them, since he didn't know how to read Fenris sighed deeply.

He straightened when he heard the door creak open and bit soundly the apple stepping back to his original spot, bowing his head.

-It's all done. -She handed him the letter with a smile, then seemed like she was about to touch him and he tensed but all she did was pick the towel on his head and smile brightly.- It was nice meeting you, Fenris. Still feels strange if you aren't glaring at me.

She giggled as the elf bowed his head lower, turning on his heels and exiting the house.


	3. Mages who don't rely on magic only

**Hesitation**: Chapter three; "Mages who don't rely on magic only".

_"Standing on my own_  
_Remembering the one, I left at home_  
_Forget about the life, I used to know_  
_Forget about the one, I left at home_

_I need to run far away_  
_Can't go back to that place_  
_Like she told me_  
_I'm just a big disgrace"_

* * *

It has been four months since she abandoned the Imperium to visit Carver and Mother, more or less. She had to check on her calendar, the ship made her kind of dizzy and once they landed the unpleasant presence of Danarius welcoming her made her turn, lean on the ship and throw up. Just what she needed wasn't the creepy old man around after such unpleasant birthday party.

They were sitting in the table and mother broke in tears. When Hawke tried to get up after getting her 'party' soured, mother jumped up and threw on her face the content of her glass of wine using her lecturing voice just to repeat: "Don't lecture me! It was _your_ fault!". Carver left afterwards, with an acid expression.

Landing with such bitter memories made her just want to jump off the ship and drown. Instead Danarius and Hadriana rushed to her placing their hands on both her shoulders. She kind of appreciated that, then just remembered they were people who couldn't be trusted and elegantly moved their hands off her shoulders.

-I wasn't... expecting this. -Hawke mumbled, burying he fingers into her curly messed mane. The taste of bile roiling in her mouth, mixing up with saliva and giving to her tongue a more unpleasant flavor than before. She could feel her throat burning, her nostrils as well waiting, expecting, another wave of vomit crawl up her esophagus. Which never came.

The girl forced herself to smile, involuntarily looking for Fenris who was leaning against a post, looking even forced in that situation than her. Somewhat seemed that he changed.

Hadriana locked her arm around hers and she just could do nothing but stare at that arm, awkwardly as everyone could notice. Then shook her off as stepped backwards, her hand shoved deep into the pocket of her black pants. Again, turned around, that missing wave of vomit decided to run and abandon the comfort of her stomach.

-Do me a favor, don't touch me. -She gasped cleaning the sides of her mouth with the side of her palm. Danarius interrupted.

-Are you okay, Messere Hawke?

-I'm perfectly okay. Just seasick. -Was her harsh answer. Leaving them behind as she swift to pick up her luggage, a simple bag stuffed to the point it would explode in any moment. Nobody expected she could lift such terrible weight but she did and with long rushed steps abandoned the scene.

-Follow her. -Danarius sneered at Fenris who, reluctantly obeyed as he commanded.

The door violently slammed its frame after her entrance, the luggage literally flew against the wall and Hawke threw herself into her bed.

Her mod wasn't good, but the sight of Danarius and Hadriana just when landing on the Imperium again made it worse. Even the time she spent with Varric and the others now seemed so short and small compared to all the time she had filled with problems and lectures. Instead of being grateful for all her efforts Leandra Amell spent the short time she spent in Kirkwall to restart the guilt trip directed like fireballs to her eldest daughter.

But she wouldn't spend any more time mopping. Hawke took off her clothes and had a long relaxing bath before dry herself, barely, and get her home clothes on. Her short sleeveless white tunic adhered to her wet flesh which with the heat of the summer was more like a relief than an annoyance. She had to do her concentration exercises, so her steps went towards the garden and she sat under the shadow of a big apple tree folding her legs and letting her wrists rest over her knees, inhaled the scent of heated grass and chlorophyll deeply filling her limbs then let out all the air filling them into a deep sigh. Her fingers tangled while she created a little flame adobe her palms, a small flame which the point of it was to keep it all day without ever turn it off or make it bigger.

Few hours later Hawke could swim in her own sweat yet she remained immobile with the little flame dancing over her palms. Her long hair was stick on her skin and her breath was becoming heavier making the flame shiver. But she didn't move a inch until the sun hid in the sea sinking the capital of Tervinter in the darkness which welcomed so grateful. Ending that session of training, the young Ferelden mage clapped her hands and laid on the warm grass grunting with disgust yet she rolled on it like a playful cat would, her eyes then met Fenris who been staring from outside all day long.

-I was starting to wonder when would you stab me while I was trying... to ignore that handsome elf staring. -She teased squirming through the grass with a smirk, rolling over herself to lay on the ground her arms folded under her chin as cushion. Surprisingly Fenris awkwardly laughed.- Did Danarius send you?

-In fact I was ordered to follow you.

-I bet you're hungry. Hungry and dehydrated. Get in, anyway the door is open but I bet you already knew it's unlocked. -She seemed not to care a little bit. About anything at all. Instead she got up and walked into her house expecting him to follow her and he did, of course. Hawke was grabbing few towels from the bathroom, her kneeling figure was into a wardrobe and he could only see her waist followed by her hips and her dainty legs. The short skirt of her white tunic was adhered to her skin making very hard to any man not to stare. Yet she seemed unaware. Or maybe she didn't think he'd strip her naked and brutally rape her because he was a slave?

Fenris ran one of his hands through his wet hair with a silent sigh, then Hawke tossed him a white towel. He couldn't help but inhale the jasmine scent it had, the same scent she seemed to naturally have but then unlike the past time she was keeping some distance between them.

-And I bathed right after get home...-She complained with a barely audible tone, making him smirk. So she wasn't avoiding him because any sense of danger. Certainly she didn't stop to think Danarius could have send him to kill her. Careless.- I only have fruit. Are you okay with fruits, Fenris?

-Yes. I am. -He said calmly, unlike the last time he sat in one of the chairs. She seemed quite pleased with that and somehow that pleased him too. After realizing many things after Danarius left him in that island with the rebels, tasted the freedom and then when he was back Fenris killed all of them... wasn't the same. He knew it and was struggling for his freedom. Until then he was swallowing his hatred and the need to run away.

-I noticed right away you were acting different. Where's the "I hate you" glare? -She was peeling an apple as she spoke, actually he never had anyone serving him before so the situation of a famous mage who his former Master wanted to bed urgently was greatly pleasant. Although she wouldn't see him like a slave or as if peeling fruit for him was serve Fenris, but he did.

So... Concerned.

Fenris wasn't used to that kind of behavior nonetheless coming from her was growing fondly of her attentions and cares. He never felt so rightful than when Hawke was talking to him so naturally without give him any order yet she remained cautious about Danarius trying to not mention him that much. She didn't seem scared but troubled about getting into terms she couldn't resolve. Yet, remained with feigned ignorance about how badly his Master wanted to tie her down his bed.

She planted a bowl with fruit in front of him, once her hand was free she licked her thumb before sit in front of him. Fenris felt like a teenager about to blush and nervously took a slice of a pear with his fingers biting it intently, so intently he caught his own fingers making her giggle. She picked with her bare hands a slice from her own bowl, he couldn't look anywhere else at all.

-I was at Sheheron. Danarius' face when the ship had no room for a slave was... priceless. -She stopped chewing and swallowed silently now paying total attention to him.- I was with the rebels, they helped me... and I killed them all under Danarius command.

-Is there anything else in the Imperium than slavery, orgies and blood magic?

He grew silent and glanced at her. The line of the elf's jaw hardened as much as his dark green eyes disapproved her with a short glare quickly placed on the bowl full of food now.

-I said nothing. Please, once you're done... _Leave_.

Her fragile fingers hurried to massage her scalp, the thumb rolling on her white skin pearled with sweat due her concentration training under the summer's sun. She lowered her gaze, flustered. The blush spread on her cheeks as if it was being painted with delicacy. Fenris took a hand full of the content of the bowl and stood on his feet before storm off her house. After all... she was a mage. A crawling out of the Void demon. They worry for no one but themselves.

Once the door almost broke due how the elf slammed it, Hawke glanced down on her bowl. She couldn't have helped him, Tervinter's laws were different than in Lothering, Ferelden or Kirkwall. Her lips drawn a thin line, the tips of her fingers pushed the appetizing food to the edge of the table letting the bowl scatter, break into ten thousand shards. That would keep her in her place, she was no longer meant to help anyone but herself. Yet it was sad she couldn't help a single man to get out of his misery but the threads were connecting everything and if she played well her cards maybe it wouldn't be too hard to keep herself alive.

* * *

_Rules of the Empire. _

_Chapter thirteen: Duels._

_When a magician challenges another, must be holder of a title._

_The traditional situation that leads to a duel often happens after the offense. Whether real or imagined, one party would demand satisfaction from the offender. [...]The challenger must purchase an official form from the circle, then acquire the permission of three Magisters which will sign and approve the challenging form. Then the regulation of duels will analyze and assess, if they approve of the duel then a date will queued._

_Each party would name a trusted small group of representatives (which number shall not exceed five and ranks shall be equal meaning one can't bring a group of Magisters and the other plain mages without rank.[...] Yet if one of the mages rejects to bring support into the duel, the other doesn't forfeit the right to.) who would, between them, determine a suitable "field of honor". It is also the duty of each party's representatives to check that the duel was fair. Representatives role became may be specific, to make sure the rules were followed and to try to achieve reconciliation, if that's the case and both parties agree to not celebrate a duel, the one who started all the legal requirements must pay a fine. [...]_

_Conditions:_

_Duels are to the death (or "a la outrance"), in which case there will be no satisfaction until one party is mortally wounded. Tervinter's Imperium won't allow a non-finished duel where one part doesn't kill the other.[...]_

_Once the duel is finished, the winner will dispose of all the belongings of the other party. Meaning: Properties, title, livestock, and studies.[...] The winner will then have the belongings transferred (if the one who lost held a superior title/rank) once the burial or any honorific services are done which will be decided by the winner.[...]_

* * *

_So do I have a chance? I don't know if I can whip him off, doesn't look so strong but still the title disturbs me. I do have motives? I do. I'm the offended part. Do I have the money? I do. Do I have the Magister's assured signatures? No. I wouldn't enjoy fighting five Magisters at same time, or maybe I do. The sense of hazard it's dangerously making me want to run to the circle and get things done._

Autumn arrived to Tervinter. After the usual doing, Hawke wasn't nearly tired yet and her blood bumped hard in her veins as trained in the backyard, not with magic but actually with the staff. It swung side to side cutting the air as the shapes of crescent moons swift hitting a bush then her leg quickly rose kicking a invisible enemy rolling on her own axis. Kicking again which the position of the invisible person knee joint was she slammed her staff against the trunk of a tree then used it to impulse herself backwards. Burning all her stamina still far to get her worn out.

She grew used to have Fenris spying around, she could sense him around before catching her doing physical training and just awkwardly stood feigning some magical training and when he appeared that evening she was sitting under the tree in a so un-lady like position. Her legs spread at her sides and her elbows resting on her knees, her chin lift a little bit to glare at him for a moment before turn her head down releasing the air out her limbs.

-Spying is a ugly thing, you know. -She jested leaning into a more comfortable position, her pants seemed to become tighter as she arched her back against the rough wood.

-I have orders.

His simple reply made her laugh. Hawke ran her fingertips through her hair pushing it backwards and let him see her red face covered in sweat.

-Then just tell him I'm already spoken for. -She said, with a smirk curling the right side of her full lips.

-Name? -Fenris maybe sounded a little too concerned but she didn't care a little bit. Not at that moment.

-Bianca.

-Is that you... are into women?

-Keep this between us.

Fenris turned on his heels and walked away surely still processing her words.

-And it works every time, Varric. -She mumbled to herself getting up to cook her dinner.- Nobody stays to listen that Bianca it's a crossbow.

It didn't take much until he came back totally choleric. She was nibbling a lettuce leaf when he shut the door open yelling that she fooled him. Hawke bit on her lettuce leaf, chewing it totally staring at him with empty eyes as if mimicking an animal, the green veggie hanging by both sides of her mouth as she ruminated.

Exasperated Fenris slammed her table.

-Did you get ordered to destroy my cheap furniture, Fenris? -Yet Hawke wasn't even blinking which was very disturbing.- No... really, if you want to break random stuff I have dresses you could totally shred. I'd have a excuse to not wear them.

-Don't mess with me!

-Or what? -Hawke tilt her head, silently swallowing. Then retired the rest of the lettuce from her mouth and dropped it to the floor.- If you have the guts to come here, spy on me, claim that you been sent by Danarius and then bang my furniture you should have the guts to face the fact I'm not nice all the fucking time and there's worse stuff than me going to complain about your behavior to your _Master_.

-You despise him as much as I do! -He bitterly laughed pointing at her.

-Don't push your luck, "little wolf". -Hawke snarled throwing at him the sliced lettuce resting on the counter and he was powerless to do anything, she knew it, he knew it. The green slices stuck on his hair, wet and dropping making him look even more pathetic.- You all are getting on my nerves: The creepy pedophile, the whimpering weasel and you, I _need_ space, give me a break, for Andraste's flaming knickers!

Fenris fell on his knees and looked at her, the sight of a totally broken man overwhelmed the tempered mage who just like him fell on her knees and bowed her head hardly breathing properly. She did it again.

Her blue-grayish eyes sunk on the floor with sliced lettuce leaves spread all around there, mostly over Fenris' who was tense like a wolf prying his target which was her about to cry but just a single sob emerged from deep of her throat making him look at her with the biggest surprise ever.

Hawke realized she jumped to her ugly side just like usually happened with Carver when the stress was too much to keep holding on something that didn't exist as could be a lovingly family. Since father died, all the responsibility fell heavy on her shoulders. What did her mother think she was, a replace for a father? Everyone depended of her, making everything worse and having to bury her temper and wishes underneath a smile. Feigned smile. Hollow smile.

After the momentum Hawke stood on her foot silently, elegantly and strong. All she had to do is keep the façade. As always. Remaining in silence she glanced at Fenris by the corner of her eyes.

-Before you or me do something we'll regret, like rip off each other's chest out, I wisely advice you to leave and keep your mouth shut about what just happened. Mostly for your own safety once you're back at _his_ side. Nothing happened here and I haven't seen you because I'm a stupid unaware mage who spends all the day reading books. -She advanced towards him, leaning softly as she picked out all the lettuce off his hair and armor joints. He remained immobile as she did so, never anyone touched him so carefully as if trying to avoid his skin like it was lava. Her hand was shaking but not with fear, it was something more deep. Fenris was merely a slave and had no right to ask what was wrong.

-Will do. -Sharply added the elf getting up then tossing her hand away.-

-Hate me, like everyone else does. At least your fierce look will remind me why I remain here. -And these were her last soft spoken words, barely audible while he left her home. Once he was gone her voice lowed even more.- Remind me why I must cling to this miserable life.

* * *

_"Whatever happens, I'm a big girl. Everyone says I'm strong. You know I'm that kind of person who clings to life like there's no tomorrow. To kill me they'll need a damn legion. Don't worry, I'm still here. It's not like it's gonna be a immediate thing. I just wanted to tell you."_

_So I must endure anything. I cannot unsay what's said. I shall keep my words. That's my personal oath._

* * *

_**Author notes**__: _It's going slow, I know. Chapter by chapter I'll be giving new details which will help to understand Hawke the better. I know my English isn't perfect, since I'm not even from a country where it's spoken like is Spain. Even so, I enjoy writing and reading to improve. I hope you all like this fanfiction... And if is so, please give me a review ;D


	4. The wolf bite

**Hesitation**: Chapter four; "_The wolf bite_".

_"_ _I tremble_

_They're gonna eat me alive if I stumble_

_They're gonna eat me alive, can you hear my heart?_

_Beating like a hammer... Beating like a hammer._

_Help I'm alive. My heart keeps beating like a hammer_

_Hard to be soft, tough to be tender_

_Come take my pulse the pace is on a runaway train_

_Help I'm alive. My heart keeps beating like a hammer"_

* * *

It was around noon when she woke up, brushing lazily her hair as tried to miserably crawl with one hand out of the bed then she noticed she fell asleep in the floor of the kitchen surrounded by dark green pieces of what happened the last night. Sheepishly she picked the pieces up, foreign steps made her turn slowly her head with her hands full of leftovers. Hadriana stood there raising her eyebrows with surprise as if she didn't expect such miserable appearance from Hawke.

-The door was wide open. -She announced. Her blue eyes glanced at the floor with horror and the noticed the broken table.- Messere Hawke?

-Yesterday I got some... lovely letters from my family, drank wine and messed around. -She explained calmly resuming her task to pick up all the pieces of rotten lettuce. It was hard not to notice the dark circles on the white skin of Hawke yet Hadriana remained silent and even tried to comfort her with some banal chat. It did really sound as if she cared, far from reality she didn't and Hawke knew it.

-Master Danarius wanted to invite you for a walk, we're going for some shopping and he thought you'd be interested. -Her mellow tone made Hawke smile bitterly, covered enough to look as if she was truly pleased with the invitation. Get your friends close but your enemies closer.

-My pleasure. I shall meet you at the entrance of his mansion? -She asked sweetly enough to make Hadriana smile, she nodded then left.

Once the kitchen was clean Hawke sit on the floor to look at the broken table. Remembering the past events, feeling kind of guilt. Even though she was against slavery like many other Fereldans and people who grew and lived in the Free Marches. Yet she didn't seem to have any problem to rub his status as slave to Fenris when the temper strike. She could say she was careless, undoubtedly she was. Her pants felt wet due the sweat and abandoning the thread of her auto-infringed guilt trip she headed to the bathroom to fill her tub with cool water. Once undressed she hurried inside and submerged herself. Eyes shut, just silence. Tranquility.

There was no sound. Just her heartbeat amplified under the water. Her blood running through her veins and the hammering of her chest being hit from the insides due the lack of air becoming more intense every second until she slowly arched herself to gasp some air and remain sitting there. Staring at her knees. Panting. The curls got heavy and wobbled side to side with her panting. The water poured out of her hand, through her fingers a she rose it to massage her forehead. Tiredly her eyes closed and she laid against the marble tube with her heavy lids closed and both arms hanging on the sides.

_Blighted fool_...

After her long bath Hawke headed to her room and picked a simple yet elegant dress that Carver gave to her in her birthday. It was actually very fitting and beautiful. The red silk warped around her shoulders giving it enough room to show the crooks and the delicate line of her clavicles but covering her small breasts dissimulating them, then there was the shape of where the corset should go, and the long skirt folded so merrily at the fluffed ends it looked like the person wearing that dress would start dancing in any moment. The long sleeves made it look even more elegant, elbow length the fabric started to face to end into a dark red transparency which would show her hands. It was a really thoughtful gift from her brother.

She wore it, then layered her leather corset over with a weak smile before sit and put on her flat boots. Hawke glanced herself in the mirror, her wild curly hair falling over her shoulders and twisting in a lovely shape in her forehead down to her bangs framing her full moon shaped face. A dagger and then the staff. Usually she wouldn't take the time to cover the dark circles but that was other matter so she just applied some make up to dissimulate them.

Once she met Danarius, Hadriana and Fenris she smiled weakly. The show must go on.

-Here you are little kitten. -Danarius said smoothly, she could feel his eyes slip upside down glancing at her attire.- It really suits your figure.

-Thanks. It was a gift from my brother. -She smiled, pleased but that feeling grew proud of her brothers taste more than the flatter itself.

-Your brother has a fine taste that suits his sister's shape pretty well. -He flattered even more, Hadriana nodded.

-I'm glad you're okay now, Messere Hawke. -She spoke concerned placing one of her hands on her shoulder.- I was terrified when I saw you immobile amidst all the chaos of that room, I though some burglar broke in.

Fenris tensed behind them, surely fearing that Hawke would tell the story behind the broken table.

-As I told, let's just blame the wine, shall we? -Said Hawke as smiled forcefully.

* * *

_To me Carver getting into the Templars was like a new kind of death. He hated me, yet become a Templar just to be very much unpleasant was too much for me. I felt greatly surprised when he was in my birthday celebration. Waiting for me with a big box containing the dress. I was... Speechless. So I brought him back from the dead. I thought he was pissed at me, he wasn't in fact he was grateful I didn't bring him to the Deep Roads. Then is when he backstabbed me. Not a guard. A nug humping Templar! I paid him a funeral and all, his coffin was made of steel and was namely his armor. I paid his armor. Yay for me. Lock me up into the Gallows, please._

* * *

Danarius had a _serious_ sugar daddy issue.

She glanced at something, Danarius bought it for her. At the nightfall Ilsen was watching Fenris hardly struggle with the bags yet hardheaded enough to do not let her help him. The amount of jewelry, dresses and other things was funny. At least watch Fenris stumble around carrying the pile of bags was.

Hawke stood leaning against the wardrobe as Fenris tried to put the bags ordered over her bed.

-Just throw them already, I bet you're willing to do it as much as I do wish to burn all that wicked stuff. -Unsure the elf turned to glance at her and did as she commanded with a wide smirk, clothes and jewelry hit the roof then rained down as she laughed merrily, then a brassier she didn't remember even seeing landed on his head.- Actually, I don't remember seeing that anywhere and I can swear to you it isn't mine. Is it yours?

He looked at her, his eyes widen.

-You're kidding, aren't you?

-I wouldn't blame you for having some hobbies. Female lingerie doesn't sound as bad as trespassing with a bare hand someone's chest.

Cockily she folded her arms adobe her chest, a smirk perfectly placed on her full red faded lips that acquired a sweet inviting pinkish color. As she liked them wet Fenris glared at her.

-Stop rubbing it on my face, it wasn't my wish to do such thing. -Fenris voice tone clearly stated that the time to jest and tease was over so Hawke strolled upon her bed and laid on her side eyeing him.

-I'm willing to be your confessor if we forget what happened last night.

-Quite strange you are. Certainly. -He jumbled not asking for permission to sit on her bed. He already took for sure he hadn't to ask for anything in _that house_. But the strange feeling of him doing something improper burned his insides, the need to correct himself made him slid to the ground and obediently knelt beside her bed.

-Yet you set yourself up to punishment even though I am not your Master. -She teased running her hand through his silky white hair.- You want it that badly? Kinky.

-You confuse me. You're all nice then you put me in my place then you say to forget about it and show that gentle side again. Which one is the true one? How long you're going to toy me for your entertainment? You're acting just like Hadriana before become Danarius' apprentice.

-Pushing our luck it's something that runs in Hawke's bloodline. We play with fire, get burned then play with fire again because we're too stupid to learn that the fire will burn our hands. -She shrugged.- I also enjoy when someone kicks me back into my place, as long as I wish that to happen. Sometimes I'm too cocky, right? I can see your ears got stiff and you're dying to say I deserve a good spank or something as dirty as that.

-From whom you learned to tease like that? Looks so out of character.

-Busted. -She giggled.- I was trying to copy Isabella's way to speak for a moment.

-All the spanking thing gave it away, I even doubt you know what kind of thing that means.

-I barely know about it. Next time I'm in Kirkwall I'll ask in the Blooming Rose.

-And that sounds like a brothel.

-It _**IS**_ a brothel. -She said way too proudly.-

-I don't even want to know.

Hawke's smile widen across her face, sleepy and somewhat hinting her relaxed state at that moment. Her auburn hair spread over the sheets with ripples dimly shinning under the light of the room followed by her elbows relaxing and she clawed to her pillow pressing it against her frame, watching him picking up all the bags he threw and then put them in some random order. Fenris couldn't deny the fact Hawke was deviously beautiful. The way the reddish curls framed her face so gracefully and her long lashes batted remarking these discolored blue orbs which always remained as if she was partially somewhere else, drowning in her own thoughts, her petite frame immature for her age revealed the shape of a body made to run and duck like a kid would. Then, her stoic expression carrying some kind of heavy burden in a elegant way making him lose the trail of his own thoughts, thoughts he only seemed to notice to have when she was around.

Usually he worried for nothing but please Danarius, all he wanted he got it for him. More because was scared to death about the consequences if he failed to fulfill any of his desires. He tasted the bitter flavor afterwards of a corrective punishment and he was always so creative with that. Finding ways to do not scar his skin and damage his precious lyrium markings, take away from him any worthy thought and all his rights to dream with escape. Too bad that he found a little space where he didn't have to hold himself and obey. That was in presence of Hawke. Another wicked, cursed and cynical mage yet undoubtedly different.

Laying on her side, her shoulder shrug softly making the fabric of her dress slid down to flash the round of her crook then fall and curve of her worked arms far from built to muscle yet trained for speed. Why did a mage need the speed? His dark eyebrows lift and she noticed that picking the upper part of her dress and pulling it up. Two dainty fingers were sufficient. Then she smiled.

Mysteriously.

-Tell Danarius thanks for all the gifts. -She interrupted his thoughts, selfishly he restarted placing the bags around and even unpacking to put them anywhere if he could just stay a little longer. The discolored cerulean eyes closed and her strawberry alike lips pouted releasing her breath in the shape of a sigh.- You should leave.

The last words slapped him. Like a wounded animal he panicked and gazed her eyes, so cold and frivolous. Uncaring. Again Hawke remained stoic, silent as her lids slid down half closing her eyes returning the look. Suppressing the need to yelp and crawl to her lap was killing him, his skin aching for these familiar hands caressing his hair so caringly. The instinct built by Danarius to act like a dog. He even fantasized sleeping beside her bed, she'd then slid a hand down and stroke his hair in his sleep.

He wasn't going to cry but his eyes moistened giving them a shiny look, Hawke arched her back like a lazy cat and crawled to the end of the bed to finally kneel and pat her lap, he dropped what was in his hands and hurried to kneel before her, expectantly. The delicate and cold fingertips reached his cheek, brushing his olive skin as if feeling some delicate silk underneath the ends of these beautiful hands. His eyes closed automatically at her touch, the sensation of her skin feeling his and her index followed the pulsating trace of the trinket under his chin and accidentally skim the line of his button lip. Her hand remained quiet there with her finger quietly sensing the lyrium pace at the rhythm of his heartbeat, he could feel she leaned onto him because her hair tickled his nose and he could even feel it caressing his lips. Her lips positioned close to his ear.

-Fenris. -Her breath, warm and sweet hit his skin giving him chills that ran down his spine. A heat built and already pulsating between his legs made him automatically place his hands on her knees. All her skin was as cold as her hands yet he sensed her thighs tense at his grasp, heating at his touch.- I can't help the fact you _belong_ to Danarius.

Hawke searched his gaze with hers but all the found was a wounded animal jump when a stranger touched the injury.

His hands afterward clenched hurtfully and Fenris leaned burying his head into her lap making her gasp before he bit the inner side of her thigh. Hard. Roughly. Making Ilsen Hawke shiver and squirm in pain. No matter how much she tried to shake him off, he wouldn't let go of her. Hawke then grabbed her hand full of his hair and pulled him until he growled next she pushed him off jumping aside glaring at him.

-What in the void is wrong with you? -Yelled her placing her hand in the wounded thigh with a whimper as she felt his teeth shape buried in her skin. Marking her. Actually that was the first time Fenris heard her raise the tone of her voice that high. His face paled realizing that he was screwed. She was going to tell Danarius and he'll castrate him or something like that for what he just did.

He stepped backwards to soon abandon her house. Danarius wouldn't kill him but he could do worse things than that. The waiting was the most unbearable part of all.

* * *

Fenris looked away, another mage conversation that twisted upside down his insides. She was no different and all the disgust she seemed to have towards Danarius seemed to fade quickly as they met more often sharing walks and chatting. Sometimes they stayed in his studio and she laid on her side in his divan talking about magic, occasionally she watched how Danarius and Hadriana studied. Hawke never spoke to him, not even glanced at him. Her indifference was killing him. She spent so much time with Danarius and every night he had to hear that the kitty was being more receptive towards him.

The next day Danarius excused himself and left Fenris to escort her anywhere she wished. Hawke finally looked at him then, her tongue clicked and turned on her heels leaving and saying she didn't need his _slave_. That was the first time she referred to him as slave, how much hurting her words were... she wouldn't ever know.

-The little kitty seems displeased with your presence and she certainly didn't seem to mind it before. -Danarius commented scribbling over a scroll which was a drabble for a speech he had to give in few months. Fenris, kneeling beside his desk with his head bowed, tensed. He knew his Master was insinuating he did something to her which was true.- My, my... Seems that you been misbehaving when alone with her, hm?

A shiver ran upside down through Fenris' body making him bow his head deeper.

-The Fog Warriors must have put wrong ideas in your head my _little wolf_.

For the next week or even more Fenris had to bear with a leash mocking the Qunari customs. Danarius didn't stitch his mouth shut to complete it, but having him around like a saarebas was enough to denigrate him to a dog level. Hadriana had so much fun mocking and humiliating him. The collar was heavy, hardly able to keep him straight since Danarius got somewhere a Qunari collar and the chain was making him trip now and then until he got used to it.

At night Danarius became even more cruel finding new methods to punish him, most of them involving him naked. After being used he laid in the cold floor without permission to put his ragged clothes back on, feeling the seed of that man inside his entrails. Having to lick clean any drop that stained the ground. Maker knows how many time he lived like that until one day Danarius left for a duel and never came back. Instead, the one who entered into the bedroom was Hawke, with one of the servants.

Fenris was leashed to the end of the bed, naked embracing his knees against his chest.


	5. Fade take you

**Hesitation**: Chapter five; "_Fade take you_".

_"_ _I cannot turn away from this obscurity_

_A nameless force is stealing my face_

_Come and try to fight me, you will never break me_

_I know it´s the final breath I´m taking if I let you win_

_So I cannot be the one forgiving or I´m giving in."_

* * *

The reunion with the Magisters went as good as expected. The smirk placed in her face was incapable to be shorn of.

Limping, the mage went to the Circle of Magi where she gave the form signed to the office employee, a young female elf wearing of these horrible veils with a black flower on top of her head. She would never understand why mages dressed like that. All she had to do at that moment was heal and wait, hoping duel would be queued for when Fenris bite healed. It wouldn't take much if she healed herself properly and spent as much maná as she could. But first...

Hawke's hand slid into her pocket with a smirk before go home. Spending three days she finally healed enough to be able to run and duck, she was ready to invite Danarius and invite him to drink some Agreggio Pavali.

He came alone, and while she was pouring the wine, he was telling her stupid matters she didn't really care about. Few drops of something that wasn't wine fell into his cup and all the others he drank afterwards. She was specially pleasant towards the Magister, showering him with attentions which made him believe he'd end into her bed. Far from that, drunk Danarius went home alone and cockblocked.

She repeated the process even at his mansion, daringly. Before leave she threw at him the duel request.

-What is the meaning of this? -He mumbled glancing at the blurry letters due his drunk state. The auburn haired girl tilt her head aside.

-I feel offended and I want to solve it with a duel. -She replied calmly leaning against the wall before the entrance door.- Once I told you I'd chop off your balls and suddenly I'm all smiles and pleasant talks, receptive to your movements and you think I'm interested in you? Don't make me laugh. I'm young but not stupid, thanks for all the information you provided to me. I'll see you that day.

He stumbled towards her and tipsy tried to grab onto her wrist, she shoved him away quite easily. The heeled boots cackled soundly to the door which opened for herself and she left without even turn to look at him. But he didn't give up and ran chasing after Danarius miserably tackled her but that didn't cause much on Hawke but wobble a little yet she leaned and took his staff from his back. She used the end of his own staff to hit him off her, before he could say anything she broke his staff in two pieces against her knee.

-Looks like you'll need a new one. What a pity. -Her voice mocked dropping both parts of the wooden staff. Feigning a sob the steps guided her outwards his mansion and then Danarius grit his teeth. His blurry sight would be a problem so he got up and summoned two servants. He needed to gather his allies.

* * *

Hawke was waiting beside Feynriel and his Master at the selected scenario. The female crossed her arms adobe her chest, leaning against a wall covered with moss hiding scattered scenes of some encrypted story. The long auburn hair of hers was tied in a braid then firmly tied into a topknot keeping only few looks framing her face, two curls fell down her shoulders past her chest giving her a tickling sensation in the abdomen. She was wearing an Antivan outfit composed by a shirt with a corset, tight pants and knee length plain boots, her staff was being hold against the ground with her palm. A dangerous look in these eyes gave away she was more than ready. It wasn't hard to notice the smirk growing as the time went by.

-What did you exactly do? -Feynriel's Master asked, Magister Atherius. He was a middle aged elf, his long black hair was perfectly brushed backwards keeping any undesired flock of hair out of his angular face. His deep eyes had the color of a midnight sea and was very tall even for his own race. Pale skin and a delicate nose with small bridge, for his age Atherius was the personification of elven beauty.- That smirk of yours makes me want to smirk too, it's contagious.

-I bribed all the Magisters that would participate in a duel for Danarius. -She said calmly.- And I been slipping into his wine maná draining poison.

-You get things done, don't you Hawke? -Atherius smiled, he even had one of these smiles that turn girls knees into butter melting under summer's sun. She poked the ground with her staff, the crescent moons decorating the end and the beginning of the dark staff tingled musically.- Remind me to never get you on the nerves.

-You been good to me, Atherius. More importantly, you been good to Feynriel. There's no way you could ever get in my black list. -She added with a wink.

The steps of Hadriana, Danarius, another mage and the Circle of Magi officer approached them. Hawke was already calculating, since the poison was only detectable when using magic she was pretty sure Danarius didn't know about it and her smile faded invisible leaping from the wall to get into the center of these ruins alike scenario. Afar the city, in fact afar from anywhere.

Both parts spoke, Hadriana was looking at her with the I don't believe it face. She was surprised and that made Atherius poke her with the elbow smiling confident, he had that kind of mischievous bad boy alike smile and the soft wrinkles around his mouth and eyes only gave him a more attractive look if that was even possible. Hawke returned the elbow poke smiling while the officer was still enlisting the rules, Feynriel was stepping away and remained away since he was not going to fight actually, he came as witness. They had few minutes before the duel started.

-I'm going to throw so many fireballs this will look like a barbeque. -Hawke mumbled stretching.- If they used blood magic on you don't hate me if I knock you out.

-Understood, Hawke soon to be Magister Hawke. -Atherius said bowing amused, still jesting. They were like teens ready to mess around and not far from that the duel started with Hawke sending a zonal attack consisting on massive fireballs meteorite alike that knocked and burned alive the unknown mage and part of Hadriana's arm.

Spells flew around maintaining distance, Danarius liked to send lightning bolts and actually one threw Hawke to the wall making her groan in pain. Her almost unconscious body rolled through the ground and the staff glide away her grasp, still dizzy a ice stalactite grew out from nowhere to glue her right wrist to the floor. Making Hawke dissolve the dizziness she slipped her free hand to the back of her corset taking the dagger she always had with her to start stabbing the ice so intently, Atherius struggled keeping Hadriana's and Danarius attention.

Hawke freed herself and rolled over her axis to pick her staff, just in time to have a fire spell hit on her knee. Graciously she lift her leg using her staff as support, both legs wide open and she rolled at the edge circling it and then rose her hands throwing again a zonal spell. While the fireballs fell from the sky the female leaped fast towards Hadriana hitting with the staff the floor until it pierced the ground so she could use both legs to kick her stomach and part of her chest after the apprentice falling to the ground Ilsen roughly landed few steps away trying to use her weapon on Danarius but he summoned a barrier and she then limped beside Atherius.

-This won't last long. -She mumbled panting a little bit, the elf remained with some burned wounds but still his hair remained perfect while hers was a total mess.- How in the void you do that?

Hadriana got up.

Atherius smiled starting to have his fun with her, the more she tried to struggle against his earth spells the more she didn't seem to notice the mud covering her ankles and slipping up her legs to trap her waist up until was unable to move anymore but yell, cry and whimper. Two mini walls of hard rock rose at her sides she pleaded but was too late, they started moving at Atherius' hand movements to crush her legs again and again. Every scream of hers pleased both Ilsen and the elf. Then as last elegant move he stepped backwards using Hawke as shield while she was sending spells to Danarius to keep him busy and Hadriana's agonic screams made Danarius lift his eyebrows and notice Atherius was crushing her mind, the mud dissolved and Hadriana with empty eyes crawled to her Master yelping.

Danarius kicked her off and Hawke got her chance to run to him tackling the man, mercilessly punching him. Her legs spread at his sides, she mounted him with both hands too busy hitting on his face to worry anything else. Even when he was unconscious she kept punching him again and again due the frenzy mixed with adrenaline. His blood was splashing her face and clothes and Hawke didn't stop until Atherius placed his hands on her shoulders. She was trembling but not with fear but excitement. A shiver ran down his spine thinking how terrible would be to piss her off.

Hawke got her dagger from the ground and slit Danarius neck wide open, quite careless yet clean enough to see his muscles and blood chirp out to create a puddle of dark blood.

-The winner is Ilsen Hawke. -The officer announced.- Any special requirements for burial or other matters, _Magister_?

Hawke responded throwing a fireball to Danarius corpse.

-Send this bitch to her house, and about the ashes... -She glanced at the burning body of Danarius, then to Hadriana laying in the ground. Hawke's lips curled to a smile. A creepy one since Atherius glanced at her as if she was out of her mind. Clearing her throat continued.- Once it's done send them in a box to me.

-Understood. Here's the certificate which transfers to you all his belongings. -The officer handed her the document and smiled.- Congratulations.

* * *

Hawke entered limping to Danarius mansion, correction, HER mansion. She showed the servants her new title as the household, title hold and _bitch hold_. She told the servants to resume their doings while she went up to Danarius room, a servant followed her asking regular stuff. Merely centered in her wounds, when she opened the door was still discussing with the servant still no time to notice the room was not empty.

After being used he laid in the cold floor without permission to put his ragged clothes back on, feeling the seed of that man inside his entrails. Having to lick clean any drop that stained the ground. Maker knows how many time he lived like that until one day Danarius left for a duel and never came back. Instead, the one who entered into the bedroom was Hawke, with one of the servants.

Fenris was leashed to the end of the bed, naked embracing his knees against his chest.

-What the...

The servant decided to run away after seeing how astonished the new Mistress was. Hawke kicked the door closed and limped towards where Fenris was, once before him the elf slowly lift his head to look at her. His expression was a mix of sadness, misery and hate too intense that made her soundly swallow. His eyebrows lift noticing her wounds, not only that but she looked like just minced someone alive with her bare hands. Face, clothes and hair were splashed with blood with wasn't only hers, well it would be impossible so it was from someone else.

She fell on her knees for a moment then all her body seemed to dismay. She was unconscious. Fenris tilt his head, his hands shaking slid through the floor to timidly touch her leg badly wounded she didn't react even when he touched the wound with scrutiny. All he could do with the leash was to drag Hawke to his Master's bed where he observed her staining everything with blood. Danarius would punish him harder. But after few hours kneeling beside Hawke she woke up rubbing her temples with both hands.

-Why are you...? -She tilt her head not daring to gaze at his naked figure anymore. Even though she could see his legs and chest the most important was censored wisely with the sheets messed in some creative way just with the objective to block the sight of Fenris' manhood.

-I have no permission to put clothes on. -He replied.

-Andraste's flaming tits... -She mumbled kicking the sheets over him, groaning in pain at the process.- Danarius is dead, now cover yourself!

Fenris seemed to have problems processing what she just said and stayed very still in his spot, Hawke has to miserably crawl to the end of the bed and fight against the leash firmly tied to the wood pillar. She cursed several times before get the knots undone.

-Fenris, here. -She covered her eyes with one hand and grabbed his forearm pulling him to the bed. Blindly, she turned him to face his back. Now Hawke was dealing with the collar, so heavy and annoying she ended using her dagger to literally rape the lock until it broke and the weighty collar almost fell to his lap if she didn't hold it. After some difficulties, she threw it to the floor to finally rest her forehead on the back of his neck, panting heavily.- Fucking pervert...

The elf tilt his head and turned to glance at the tired girl resting against him. Her body temperature was warm, maybe too warm since her normal temperature was icing cold. She was weak and trembling due her wounds. Infection. She needed to clean them badly, bandages and treatment for her injuries but she was so quiet and weak.

Fenris tied the sheets around his waist since Hawke seemed to be very troubled seeing him naked and gently laid her on the bed to go to the bathroom and fill the tube like he did many times for Danarius. Perfect temperature. Once back to the room, she didn't move a inch from where he placed her. Hoping she wouldn't mind he held and lift her to bring her to the bathroom and she didn't complain yet even when sat her beside the tube and started undressing her there was no reaction.

He grew nervous as his fingers undid her corset and took it off tossing the piece aside. In fact these eyes were taunting him, wickedly submissive and too weak to resist to anything he could do to her at that moment. Her leg was placed over his shoulder for his commodity he took off her boot then the other so delicately. His heart raced as he slowly pulled upwards her shirt revealing her white flesh pinked with blood, like a doll she didn't oppose resistance when he pulled it with her arms up. She had several cuts along her ribs and a half melted stick of ice inlaid between two of them. That was why she was so submissive, she could barely react due the pain hitting her nerves.

Yet she worried about _him_.

-I think I can undress myself... Fenris. -She mumbled.

-You can't do anything at this moment.

She complained.

-But I'm a girl...

-So? -His eyebrows lift.-

-Only my father saw me with my birthday outfit, and I was a child. -With that amount of blood covering her face was hard to know if she blushed but certainly did. Fenris didn't know if laugh or take that seriously and since she seemed that troubled it had to be true.- What?

-Nothing. -He resumed cautiously sliding down her pants, she complained again but couldn't fight him back, she couldn't even lift a eyebrow without wincing.- So you're now my Mistress?

-For the moment.

-What do you mean? -Fenris stood still, tensed but resumed her work. He wanted to scream and plead for her to not sell him but the situation was totally inappropriate. She growled as the fabric of her pants touched her wounds and the task took him around ten minutes to take them off. So there she was, in her underclothes before him. Even covered with wounds, dirt and blood he couldn't help but get excited.

She mumbled sheepishly. Fenris panicked and grabbed her leg, showing her how fantastic slave he was. His tongue searched the burnt wound in her thigh and licked it, she winced, growled and moaned all at same time. The rusty and salty taste of her injured skin went right to his brain, her knee molded to his shoulder as his tongue worked her wound as if he was tasting some kind of delicious dessert. Wiping the cream off the surface of a really sweet pie with his tongue so skilled and his lips ferociously kissing and sucking that spot.

She couldn't resist him, taking advantage on that the soft and wet muscle slid around her injury circling the whole burnt. Hawke gasped and Fenris tongue slid up her thigh to her hip, nibbling softly on the shape of her bone and followed the line to her ribs repeating the licking process in all the wounds through her ribs. His head then buried between her legs even though a thin fabric separated them, her scent responding to him was enough and she moaned with thin voice. Trembling.

-Enough. -Hawke whimpered.- _Please_, Fenris... I understand.

The elf nodded and gently placed her leg back to the floor, resuming his undressing task. He didn't look, just with his eyes closed he strip her naked and helped her to get into the tub. Once there she soundly seemed to pour epic amounts of soap to hide the sight of her naked body to him. He opened his eyes again, she was weakly washing her face and the water cleaned all the blood.

He had to empty and refill the tub twice more before Hawke got clean. Afterwards he helped her to dry, she was wearing one of Danarius bathrobes, and as expected it looked gigantic on her. Fenris laid her on the bed and bandaged her wounds while she was using magic. Even though magic itself disgusted him, at that moment he wished it worked and didn't leave any scar in her perfect skin.

He was going to lay on the ground again when she grabbed his wrist.

-Don't sleep in the floor. It's unhealthy. -Hawke mumbled gently pulling him into the bed. That was unexpected but more unexpected was the fact the clung to him in her sleep hugging him like nobody did in his whole life. And that wasn't much since his first memories were the lyrium burned into his flesh.

So Fenris just awkwardly laid being hugged by a sleeping Hawke. Her grasp was weak but determined, as if afraid he'd leave. Just like a sick child.

In the morning, well, it was different. Unable to sleep in the whole night Fenris noticed Hawke getting up and crawl to the end of the bed, then she fell off and mumbled dizzily some curses and resumed crawling not noticing she only wore a bathrobe. Fenris sighed rubbing his temples.

-I'm the one who should be doing that, _Mistress_.-Hawke froze in the spot when heard his husky voice, her head tilt before turn and shyly glance at him and plant her butt on the floor then realizing her almost naked state.

-I don't have nothing to wear, do I? -She mumbled blushing. Fenris smirked sliding down to the floor.

-Why no, you don't. -He replied crawling to her.- Unless you want to go to your house with that attire, I find it quite daring but I'm just a slave, I have no objections in whatever my _Mistress_ wishes to do.

-Cheeky, aren't you? -She frowned.-

-Command me and I'll correct that, _Mistress_. -Fenris added with a smirk.-

She puffed as answer.

* * *

**Notes:** You thought there was going to be smut! Didn't ya? -Wink wink- Soon, soon~ Remember: Reviews make Yami happy, therefore writes faster and gets more inspired so chapters come faster too!


	6. Breaking in

**Hesitation**: Chapter six; "_Breaking in_".

_"__I'll stop the whole world_

_from turning into a monster, and eating us alive_

_Don't you ever wonder how we'd survive?_

_I'm only human, I've got a skeleton in me_

_but I'm not the villain."_

* * *

**Notes: **I had to change the rating of this story due the hardcore smut. -Cough- You been warned. Also... LEAVE A REVIEW, WE HAVE SMUT SO IT'S OKAY.

* * *

Ilsen was on the studio reading about Danarius' research while Fenris was sitting in the floor beside her, distantly she was stroking his white hair. Still she was unable to walk like a decent human being and needed him as support even if that made her swear, complain and show how exquisite was her vocabulary when came to curse. Even so, Hawke didn't punish when he misbehaved and took liberties he should not. If she was annoyed she showed her disgust arching her eyebrows and looking at him, which leaded to him punishing himself and she knew it. She didn't need to do it, he'd do it himself.

Atherius came to visit now and then with Feynriel or alone. Sometimes they sat and chatted, other days, just played cards betting random stuff. Her face was indecipherable once the cards where in her hands, also she cheated. His Mistress hated losing so used all the dirty tricks that would provide her a victory. With that kind of personality no one would believe usually she slept hugging a pillow or anything in fact, she needed to hug something or someone to sleep. Lately, that 'something' was himself.

First thing she did once she could limp using Fenris as support was command the servants and slaves to burn Danarius clothes, accessories, mattress, sheets and pillows as well as the towels and other things he used. Then she bought Fenris a bed, which placed beside hers. It was slightly shorter since she had to deal with his stubbornness to not leave her side in any moment. But he didn't use it, she needed him, depended of him, so usually she ended dragging him into her bed and clung to him all night long until she woke up.

-Fenris. -She called softly making him tilt his head and glance her by the corners of his eyes.- Next week or so I'll depart to Kirkwall, since you're so hardheaded you'll want to come. Am I right?

He swift to her lap, nuzzling his head against her abdomen.

-That disturbs me. Would you stop acting like some kind of pet? -She said, turning the page of her book. He moved away her lap and sighed.- In Kirkwall you won't be a slave, in fact I don't even treat you like one.

-What do you mean, _Mistress_? -The elf glanced at her.- Not a slave?

-In Kirkwall it's illegal, so it's from where I am. -She shrugged.- Tervinter it's different. If anytime you want your freedom you'll have it. Nobody should decide who is free and who isn't... Unless the person it's dangerous.

-So what I would be there? -Fenris wasn't taking seriously her words, if he were he would panic like the last time. Hawke closed her book, let it rest in the arm of the sofa and slipped herself down to the floor to sit beside him. She was really small, her neck was delicate and the curve wide. The clavicles were pronounced, yet not enough to show them as Ilsen Hawke being a boney girl.

-That's the problem in fact. -She sighed bowing her head, all the curls fell like a waterfall made of dark blood. The auburn locks of her hair covered like a curtain the sight of her face.- I can't go there like "Oh hello people, this is my personal bodyguard and slave Fenris. Everyone say hi to him!"

Her words made him frown, obviously displeased at her sarcasm. Fenris growled in annoyance and folded his arms over his flexed knees against his chest.

-I bet your mage friends would feel pleased if you used these exact words.-He snarled, glaring at her.

-Oh why yes, we'll hook our arms and stroll under the moonlight, slit our wrists while singing weird songs and sacrifice few virgins to the demons if that'd please you. -Said her motioning her arms to give it more realism.- If you're feelin' so Danarius' sick, I'll tell them to throw stones at you and leash you naked somewhere.

He winced and snapped at her getting up from his spot.

-You think it's funny?

-Not even a little bit. -She shrugged.- But it's lovely to know you aren't all submissive and not someone who will nod to every shit I say.

-So I noticed. -Grunted at least. Hawke poked him with the corner of her book and smugly smiled. At that moment Fenris couldn't do anything but crawl back to her lap and rest his chin on her knees letting her stroke his hair. Her thin fingers tangling amongst the silver locks of silky messed tresses, massaging the back of his neck giving him tickling sensations as if she knew where exactly she had to graze to make him shiver. She could say whatever she wanted, the truth is that even then she enjoyed when he placed his head on her lap so she could stroke his hair. Hawke seemed to have a special liking for his hair.

Well, he liked her hair too. Before sleep he used to braid it, following her instructions since he never brushed any female's hair. Her hair was soft and slid through his fingers quite easily once brushed and when braiding it he had a perfect view of her bare shoulders, his dark green eyes could even follow the trace of her spine submerge into her nightgown. Sometimes while brushing her mane some rebel hair made her shiver and get goosebumps then with trembling voice she told him to resume and he did. Her braided hair fell past her waist and the only thing in his mind was to toss it away so he could nibble on her snow white flesh.

Fenris never felt these kind of instincts, everyday was harder to struggle against them and not push his Mistress against some wall to do things he shouldn't even have to have in mind. The sensation of her cold body against his at night didn't help much either. Warming at his touch and in her sleep more than once made him swallow hard when her legs placed over him in a way or another and she shift closer so he could even feel the folds of her bandages. Occasionally she buried her face in the crook of his neck and was impossible to think about anything, her lips caressed lightly his skin and her breath was warm against his neck or even his ear.

Yet she remained unaware. She seemed to not think about him as man, he couldn't blame her. He wasn't nothing but a slave and that thought angered him because for once in his life all he wanted was a specific someone to think better about him, to consider him a man... not some wild beast. Fenris couldn't deny the way she stood calmly around him, showering him with attentions... pleased him, yet unsure if as man or as slave.

-Fenris, are you hungry? -She asked delicately, with one hand she closed her book and put it in the little table beside the divan. Her hand moved away his head, not without giving at the end of his ear a gentle pinch. Fenris touched his ear softly and rose his eyebrows.- I haven't seen you eat anything since I'm here...

-Slaves aren't allowed to eat before the sight of their Master. -Replied hurriedly the elf.

-When did you sneak away to eat? -She seemed quite surprised at his words and then seemed to realize something waving away as if telling him to forget it.- What do you like the most, Fenris? Do you have any favorite dish?

-Well... I don't like fish... -He mumbled scratching the back of his neck, forced to reply.

-It's a start. -Hawke placed her hand over the small auxiliary table beside the divan and opened the drawer, the tingling sound of the bell to call the servants echoed in the room. She usually went herself to do anything but since she needed Fenris to go anywhere so started using the tools provided to save him the task to help her limp anywhere she wanted to go.

One of the maids knocked and entered in the studio bowing deeply, Hawke waved her hand enough and sighed deeply.

-Can you bring here some stew, I think it's beef right? Well, a big bowl and rice with veggies would be fantastic... Also two apples. -Nicely asked Hawke with a warm smile waving goodbye to the maid who hurried to the kitchen in the first floor.

The long haired mage stretched in her seat and patted the space beside her for Fenris to seat and he reluctantly planted his butt in that space with a long sigh as if the idea of sitting beside her was unthinkable. Hawke still didn't get the point of slaves shouldn't have the same treat you'll give to a guest but she kept doing that as id he was even more than a guest. Sometimes he felt as if his Mistress treated him like some kind of close friend.

Her lips curled into a big smile and her hand sneaked right behind his neck to stroke his hair, again. Her thin fingers playing with his silver locks and sending chills down his spine, chills he could barely dissimulate. Maybe the taunting was some hobby of his Mistress since her smile widen when he got chills while she played with his hair and for once he didn't mind that kind of taunt. In fact, he enjoyed her familiar touch. Hawke's cold palm cupped his neck and massaged his flesh distractedly glancing through the window until the maid came back and hurriedly she moved the hand off as his skin was some kind of deadly menace.

Hawke blushed slightly while talking to the maid who left the dishes over her desk and bowed deeply before leave and come again with a jar with water. Hawke nodded and waved her goodbye before the door close again.

-The rice is mine. -She hummed stretching her arm to hand him a spoon and the bowl with the stew, wearing her charming smile then she took the plate with the fried rice with vegetables. Fenris glanced at the deliciously looking bowl and wondered why his meal was better than hers.

Slaves rarely ate meat, in fact they ate leftovers their Master didn't want. As like rotten fish, degraded vegetables and suspicious looking rice. Meat was something that even the animals had more right to eat than a slave, he could remember Danarius choosing to give the dogs all the wasted meat before feed his slaves with it. Hadriana used that too to mock and humiliate him while she ate a steak in his room in the barracks just to rub it on his face, telling him dogs had more rights than him who in fact didn't deserve even a bed.

However his Mistress was sitting beside him with the plate resting over her knees and eating like a little bird. The way Hawke ate was if that supposed her a big effort since she said she was used to eating little to nothing. Her stomach complained and she concentrated on chewing her food while filling a spoon with rice, it looked exactly as if she was obliging herself to eat. That until the plate was finally empty and that was the first time Fenris saw Hawke eating that much. Then, with a smug look in her blue-grayish eyes she glanced at his bowl almost finished making her nod in approval as left the dish on the desk and took the apples and the knife to start peeling the two pieces of fruit.

When he was done, a peeled apple was waiting him in her hand thus Fenris heard her soundly bite hers with a more pleasant look than when ate her meal. Once the fruit changed of hands, the Mistress was about to clean her hand by disimulately 'smoothering' it against the thigh and with his other hand Fenris grabbed her wrist making her gasp in surprise. Her hand was soon enough before his mouth and his lips caressed her palm before his warm tongue worked at licking the fruit juices off her hand. Every inch of her hand's skin had the pleasant feeling of Fenris tongue working between her fingers and nibbling her skin as in fact that was his dessert and not the apple. The blush quickly spread on her cheeks as the elf circled the end under her thumb and sucked on it making her body temperature rise at least few grades. Once he seemed sure her hand was clean turned his face and bit his apple with a cheeky smirk.

She grunted gazing away, totally red. The elf chuckled for himself in silence, his Mistress sure was a lady even though she acted like a cat or a baby... he wasn't sure if the need of hugging something to be able to sleep was something he should worry about. Well, his complains were only that Hawke clung to him in her sleep so hard he could barely breathe sometimes.

-This is the first time I ate this much. -He confessed leaving the seeds and trunk of the apple into the empty bowl. And it was delicious, Fenris could get used to such meals and the special care she put on him.

-Well, you're supposed to be my bodyguard... right? -She smiled repeating his action with her apple. Fenris nodded at her words and crossed his legs whilst resting forearms over the knees.- Someone who's supposed to protect my life must have meals equal to the importance and gratitude that task deserves. Also, if we both fall sick we're screwed.

She merrily laughed arching her back as if seeking the back of a sofa then realized it didn't have somewhere she could lean her back onto. Hawke grumbled in silence deciding that his lap was a perfect spot for her to lay her head. Bad idea. She was talking to him, telling him something about her bandages but he was not listening, his eyes darting at how her dress folded and created an alluring cleavage. His mouth felt so dry at that moment, he needed to drink some water and leaned to catch the jar drinking directly half of its content with a gulp.

-_Mistress_. -He choked placing a hand on her head to caress her cheek softly, his thumb followed the shape of her jaw bone.- I must tell you that a man's lap isn't a safe spot for you to lay your head on.

-Why not? -She tilt her head, quite innocently as if she really had no idea of the proximity between a man and a woman. She was wounded, unarmed, weak and wouldn't expect him to pin her down and do nasty things to her. Nasty things he was aching to do to her since the very moments they shared together and he still belonged to Danarius.

-It's _dangerous_. -He replied frowning slightly, sometimes he couldn't tell if Hawke was really nineteen or just nine for these questions she asked over as if she had no idea of what happens between a man and a woman.- Unless you're doing it on purpose.

-Doing _what_? -She got up giving him a questioning look before limp to the door, without him as support it seemed more like she was about to fall to the floor in any moment. Leaning her forehead against the wooden door she stretched her arm to the bookshelf, behind it there was her staff and stubbornly used it to get out of the studio.- Guess what? Forget it, I'll get a bath and do the healings. You do whatever you want to but **don't** follow me.

The door banged behind her.

-Mages... -Fenris mumbled placing his hands on top of his head not sure what to do now but wait until she was in a better mood.

* * *

She was in a better mood by night, while changing before the fireplace into her nightgown, he could hear how his Mistress hummed. Not to look at her was hard, so his piercing dark eyes were prying how Hawke took off her clothes delicately and taking her time since most of her moves made her wince. She became skilled at the art of undressing as if her clothes were made of thin air. Yet she had problems undoing the part of her dress that was tied on her back so the elf got up from his seat quickly and placed himself behind Hawke smothering the fabric of her dark dress, his hands slid through her sides and finally pulled her closer gripping her hips hard enough to make her growl as complain. His fingers undid the problem at her back, letting the dress fall down and silently get on the floor around her knees.

She turned and placed a hand of his forearm, somewhat the way her eyes reflected the flames of the fireplace made him remember that smug horrible look into Danarius eyes before command him to strip and bend over like the dog he was. Inviting and perverse. Cynical and cruel, that's something all mages were and involuntary was the what made his marks activate and glow, he was ready to defend himself against whatever Hawke had in mind. Shoving her against the wall beside the fireplace. His hand ready to trespass her chest and crush her heart.

-_Fenris_! -He heard her whimpering, the elf realized what he was about to do and stepped backwards or he indented to because Hawke tiptoed as much as she could kissing his chin.

That was the spark that started a fire. Even though both were surprised about what she just did, Fenris reacted faster holding her hips possessively and lifting her to mold their bodies in a comfortable way so he could do what she failed to do. Their mouths slammed against each other hurtfully, but that was sufficient to make her open hers and give him space to slid his tongue inside. He never kissed anyone, or at least his memories about it were gone like many others. All he usually did was not something he remembered as pleasurable and with that fierce intensity his tongue reached hers who seemed pretty skilled at tangling and massaging his own.

He didn't want to think who been the lucky bastard who experienced such pleasure before him. Hawke's little hands clung to the back of his shirt and her eyes submissively closed experiencing his brutal kiss. The way he gasped for air and then slammed his mouth again back to hers, the way he seemed to rape her mouth with his tongue making her arch her back and her temperature rise. Fenris let out a frustrated moan into her mouth as he slipped her lower so his hips could mold to hers and make Hawke feel his hardened manhood being pushed against the thin fabric of her panties, she whimpered feeling him humping like a desperate animal her most private zone. His pulsating lust made her choke in that wild kiss, the way they turned their necks desperately aching for more of that was driving both of them mad.

The elf tilt his head sucking on her button lip, nibbling it as his hips unconsciously rammed hers. The way she sighed at that, like in such bliss angered him so his teeth enclosed around the lip trapped between his lips and bit hard on her flesh... unexpectedly she moaned at that ad her body trembled. Hawke's moistened gaze, defenseless and poisoned with curiosity mixed with lust was provoking him in ways she would never know and his hands slid up her sides to tangle around her brassiere to tear it apart.

Her small breasts cupped his palms, her nipples already hard so he could tease and torture them better pinching and twisting them. She squirmed between pleasure and pain as he playfully thug one of her pinkish nipples to him. Fenris could care less about obeying and pleasuring her at that moment, he had enough with Hadriana and all the nasty things he wanted to do to that bitch were going to happen to his... Mistress. Now just a woman before him, no, a tool.

Hawke couldn't stand up for so long by herself and soon fell on her knees panting heavily, her head down with her long hair covering her body like a mantle of auburn curled silk. Fenris was sweating and took off his shirt throwing it away before grab onto her wrist and drag her to the rug before the fireplace, forcing her to crawl to do so. Once there she fell forward and sobbed when her forearms stopped her fall, just how he wanted her. On her fours.

She wasn't aware of what came next, the elf moved behind her and pulled her panties down enough so his hand could check how wet she was. His rough fingers played through the folds of her intimacy quite pleased with the obscene sounds her juices made as his index reached the weak spot of every woman teasing it skillfully. Maybe he wasn't good at kissing but he was greatly familiar at how to please a woman with his hands, mouth and anything she ordered in fact. But all his young Mistress did was squirm and whimper arching her back and since he couldn't see her face it didn't matter how flustered she was.

Fenris pulled his pants down just fine for him to release his erection, moving her hand off his Mistress' soft and hold folds he forced his fingers into his mouth as his hand enclosed around his shaft. His glans moistened with her juices lubricating him enough so he could push himself into her, she was too tight and his manhood couldn't advance smoothly, growling annoyed Fenris rammed forcing his way into her, penetrating her in one time.

She cried and bit his fingers so hard he thought she'd rip them off with her teeth, the hand he used to hold his shaft grabbed full her hair and pulled it furiously making her cry again before he began to roam her like the wild animal he was. His teeth clenched as he moved inside her, she was so damn tight it was hard to move and keep up the brutal pace he started so he broke it off and moved until his member was almost outside her then he pushed it deep burying his virility into the tender, juicy and tight canal of hers. He could hear after some time how she started to moan at how he rammed into her, quitting the crying and sobs and twitching at his moves.

Somewhat, that pleased him more than the fact he was mercilessly _fucking_ her. The way she moaned and arched upside down trembling with pleasure even when he pulled her hair to him forcing her to lift her chin and groan with pain, the fact that with her insides pressing him so hard he wouldn't last longer and how she orgasmed when his seed darted into her making her twitch and her walls contract and how she clawed and scratched the rug before lose the strength in her arms totally offering herself to him.

He rested on top of her back panting still feeling her insides twitch around his member, making him release a second shoot. Slaves weren't allowed to have their releases, they were mere tools so the fact he was shooting his seed into his Mistress was equally a pleasure as much as it frightened him for the consequences afterwards.

The elf was regaining his sanity, Fenris glanced at her body covered with wounds and bandages and pulled himself out of her. His _cum_ mixed with her juices and blood dripped outside her swollen labia. A little puddle of blood in the spot under her in the rug called his attention and he planted his ass backwards, sitting and eyeing the blood paling at the insane and stupid thought it gave to him.

Hawke turned her head, her wet red checks and her trembling lips letting out gasps for air. That sight was making him get hard again.

-Oh well, I expected a first time more romantic. -Hawke said softly.

-I'm sorry. I... -Fenris lost his words, all he wanted to do at that moment was run away. So he pulled his pants back up and got ready to leave and sleep in the barracks. He could hear turn on her back and look at him with a piercing questioning look he couldn't see but feel on his neck.

-Was it _that_ bad? -She chuckled making him turn on his heels to look at her face. She wasn't even a little mad but concerned.- I know men don't expect virgins and stuff, but leaving isn't a little too much?

He swallowed hard feeling his throat dry, the simple sight made him regret how he banged her as if she was worthless tool for him to get his release. In fact even the position he deliberately chose was for whores and slaves only. Yet she patted the rug beside her and smiled warmly. He had to crawl back to her, for the first time he was the one hugging while they slept.


	7. The box

**Hesitation**: Chapter seven; "_The box_".

_"There was nothing inside_

_The memories left abandoned_

_There was nowhere to hide_

_The ashes fell like snow and the ground caved in_

_Between where we were standing_

_And your voice was all I heard."_

* * *

The intoxicating smell of vomit, beer, humanity and piss all together was what made The Hangman... The Hangman. The blabbering, some whore playing her trick in the dark corners upstairs and the cheers of rancid beer served after hour and half of expectation until the waitress decided to attend them. Sticky was, not wanting to know the reason, the surface of their table where Hawke didn't seem to mind resting her pale hands as her thin fingers enclosed around the jar with piss-smelling beer, yet nothing of that seemed to bother her as she gulped its content with a smirk while Fenris was looking at the tavern helplessly wrinkling his nose.

They were waiting patiently, she said calmly that was important while her fingers tapped the upper side of a metallic box. In the time they were in that table she put the box over the table and her fingers paced over the cold surface of the box, occasionally rolling her eyes and glance at him sitting very straight in his chair and feeling uncomfortable with the ambience. He saw barracks filled with the most unattended slaves that smelled way better. Fenris eyed the door nervously tapping his fingers on his knee, how long would it take? Once they landed they went straight forward to there and she seemed to know the Lowtown as if it was the palm of her hand. Disturbingly good.

Was nothing but a Templar who approached the table and sit beside Hawke. His short dark red hair was tossed apart with one of his big hands showing his intense cerulean eyes sliding to the corners to glance at the little auburn haired mage. Hawke's lips curled into a smile for a moment, then she erased it turning to look at him. Something in her eyes, the way she moved so familiar and warmly towards that man made his insides hurt. Her hand hurried to brush his dark red hair with her fingers, smoothing his bangs and brushing them out of his face. The man lowed his head a little and placed his hand on top of her head, a weak and shy smile appeared in his lips.

-Carver. -She called softly, the tips of her fingers caressed the lobe of his ear.- I'm glad you're okay.

She was relieved. Her eyes seeking his but he didn't dare to gaze directly at these pure discolored blue orbs.

-Sister. -Carver grunted, moving her hand off. Ungratefully. Fenris arched a eyebrow and decided to look to other way, there wasn't anything he could do about it and in fact wasn't his business unless his Mistress told him to. He wanted to ask, but kept his mouth shut.- I didn't expect you would ever come back.

-My family is _here_. -She replied glancing her drink then his gauntlets on the table, clenched in fists.- Mother wanted to come here in first place.

-Not like we had many options. -Huffed the younger brother, who in fact looked older than the eldest sister.

-We didn't. But we worked hard. These four years. -Carver tensed at her words.- Do you still hate me, Carver?

-I don't hate you. -Was the rough, dry and short reply he gave to her.- I didn't join the Templars because I ever hated you. I just... couldn't stand to be your shadow anymore. I needed to find my own path in life.

Hawke smiled and sipped her beer.

-And I respect what you've done, Carver. I was mad at first because I thought you did it just to backstab me. Then I realized you're the only one in this family who had the bliss to be born without the magic _curse_. -Hawke breathed deeply.- The Circle is necessary.

Carver's lips tightened into a thin line, his eyes widen with surprise at her words. Fenris didn't understand what was going on but it seemed that open his mouth would result into getting in some deep thing between siblings.

-Ilsen. What do you want? -Finally snapped Carver folding his arms adobe his chest.- When you agree and be all nice it's extremely strange and means some catastrophe it's about to happen.

-So, I have this box... -She didn't deny his words and tapped again the metallic surface.- With human ashes in it.

-Oh Maker! -Carver slid his chair backwards horrified.- That's not something you put in the table while drinking!

-Why not? -Hawke tilt her head and looked at the box.- I suspect the... let's say person before being roasted, was quite suspicious and I think it's not the person I think it is so I need someone who can detect if blood magic was used to let's say change his looks and etcetera.

-Is that even possible? -Carver leaned to peek around the box, curiously like a little puppy.- I mean, why you care?

-My life depends of that suspicion. Carver, I know we don't get along but we both know if it was your life I would jump into the fade to save it.

There was a long silence. None of the Hawke's looked at each other and instead their eyes met the floor as their eyebrows curved in a silent wincing expression. The Templar's mouth twitched aside while Ilsen's remained quiet and shut, what was in their minds was the chain of events four years ago. How the blight devastated their homeland, the runaway, the fact none of them could save Bethany nor help and gained their mother's hatred for that. She quickly forgave Carver but Ilsen seemed unworthy of her forgiveness, Leandra Amell seemed more concerned about the fact her little boy would have to fight against apostates and blood mages than her heir leaving to the empire where the cynical Magisters ruled and the slavery was legal. That's didn't seem to bother her a little bit, after all she built a reputation for her in Kirkwall and the Amell's name was echoing again to please the noblewoman inside her. Just thinking about her made the mage punch the table making the jars and the box jump upside down.

Carver then decided to break the silence.

-Why not Merrill or Anders?

-If I have to read one more time Anders' manifesto I... I don't even have words to describe what I'd do. And Merrill... She probably would name the ashes and keep them into her house as memento. So, no. -Hawke rolled her eyes before grab her jar and gulp its content empty.- I thought the first enchanter would know. I can't trust Tervinter's mages.

-I'll see what I can do, but I won't promise anything. -Carver glanced at the box and gritting his teeth then picked it up before bid his farewells.- I'll go to the estate if I'm successful, if not, I'm at the Gallows... You know, for a visit or something.

-That's sweet from you. -Hawke said smiling which was answered with her brother's huff as he turned on his heels and exited the Hangman. Fenris finally looked at her, he could swear that now he memorized all the stains of the floor and the ceiling.- Fenris, if it was my choice I'd stay here rather than in my own house.

She chuckled lifting her empty jar and called the waitress.

* * *

_Oh Kirkwall how much I missed you! That's what thought. Nice chats, Wicked Grace, adventures... Once I paid a visit to everyone the nightfall got us exiting the Lowtown and forcefully I had to go to the estate, with Fenris questioning look darting on the back of my neck. He was as tired as I was or even more after Isabela's blasting flirt almost ignoring my presence even though I'd swear she insinuated a threesome few times in that talk. We spent more time giving each other rolling eyes than actually talking to the infamous captain. If it was my choice, I'd sleep in the chantry like some tramp._

* * *

The walls painted with warm colors just to make the Amell's crest stand out and reflect the dancing flames of the fireplace. But that was before the distinguished entry, a gray yet some lavender hues made it look less cold, it was little room with stone benches and an archway showed the excellence of nobility that shun upon the Amell family once and seemed to be clung by the woman looking at the flames dance with her arms folded over her chest.

Her hoary long hair fell in a low and short ponytail, caressing the silky fabric of her yellow and purple long dress. A short woman with the stoic gesture of a warrior about to slay dragons, her resolute cerulean eyes as cold as ice seemed to be filled with bitter hatred as the fire devoured the wood and hit sideways the stone build fireplace. Gray curls fell framing her face hit by the time though aforetime Leandra Amell was a beautiful woman. The hands that should be silky and delicate were rough and withered punished by farm work.

Once the steps of both of them set foot over the red carpet covering the main hall the woman tilt her head elegantly to eye them by the corner of her big eyes, so much like Hawke's except the color more vivid and glacial. Leandra's eyebrows seemed to be dragged down and force a frown spread across her wrinkled forehead at the sight of her eldest daughter coming back to her home. Rather than happy to have her back the woman's disgust was easier to notice than a drunk ogre dancing popular music.

Leandra's hands seemed to clench at the sides of her arms almost clawing her flesh and give Hawke a stern look that even froze Fenris in the spot. These eyes were so much alike to Danarius' but without flattery or feigning contempt.

-An _elf_? -Leandra's coarse voice echoed through the walls, she didn't raise her voice but it sounded as if she could hardly contain herself not to. With a short mew smile she cleared her throat and advanced towards them, calmly like a panther preying. The elf couldn't help but glance at Hawke now understanding what she said that she'd prefer to rent a room in the Hangman before having to go to home.- How much more are you going to shame me?

Hawke frowned seeming more concerned at the fact her mother seemed to easily insult him, somewhat, than the fact she thought Hawke brought him just to shame her mother.

-You come back home with a slave and what you expect me to do? Praise you? -At her words, Hawke pushed Fenris behind her as if trying to protect him from these words.

-What makes you think he is a slave? Just because is an elf doesn't mean he is a slave. Maker's balls!

-Don't lecture me, it was your fault Bethany died! -Temper overpowered Leandra and her voice rose. Then lowed into a thin shaky tone.- We couldn't even bury her...

-Of course, it was _my_ fault. It was _my_ fault the blight on Ferelden, it was _my_ fault we had to run away, it was _my_ fault that while I was with Carver few feet away fighting Dark Spawn a monster came and Bethany decided to fight it to save _your_ life. Such disgrace of a child I am! Maybe you should have thought about that before elope pregnant with a fugitive apostate who fled from The Circle of Magi. -His Mistress voice thundered, her whole body was trembling against his holding back to do not cry. The way she seemed to spill every word from her mouth sounded as if she wanting to say these words her whole life and didn't find the strength to do so until that moment. Leandra glared at them while Hawke placed her hand around his waist to limp upstairs to her room, ignoring any word coming from her mother's mouth.

Once the door closed behind them and Fenris did as commanded to lock it she limped to the big bed amid jasmine scented sheets and seemed to just throw herself and silently cry hiding her face with the pillow. He sat beside her, not knowing what to do his hand landed on top of her head, her auburn curls seemed to tangle around his fingers and the elf just caressed her hair softly and caringly letting her switch the pillow for him lap. He even let her lock her arms around his waist as she did that. Hawke needed him more than she would ever need anyone.

Yet she had nothing to fear, he was there to serve and please his dear Mistress.

-Fenris, -She sobbed quietly nuzzling his abdomen- will you abandon me? After all I'm despicable.

-Pardon?

-My little sister's death... was really my fault, I couldn't protect Bethany. -Her grasp became stronger, she was asking if he would abandon her yet she clung onto him as if her life depended of it. The intensity of her words sounded as if she convinced herself what she was saying was true.

-Mages are despicable and corrupted. -Hawke froze at his words.- You proved yourself worthy, capable and you must be doing something right because I respect you. You're the first mage who protected, cared and gave me the treatment an equal would deserve. I was cruel to you, and you acted as it was normal and I had the right to hurt you deliberately. In fact I'd be a fool for trying to escape from your grasp.

-Fenris. -She called his name softly as turning to look at him, her cheeks wet and the eyes releasing the last tears to slid across her rosy skin.- Maybe it wasn't the first time every girl dreams, but I enjoyed the... _'passion'_ you put in it. It made my chest throb and my head spin. Did I oppose to your actions? I could've burned your face but that, would be waste a perfectly handsome elf. Don't you think?

Fenris awkwardly laughed at her last words.

-You spoil me way too much. -He whispered, her husky voice caressing her ears and making her insides tingle as his hands warped around her waist pulling her down the bed.- Shall I be content or concerned?

Hawke slid her hand to his chin and managed to give him a smug smirk.

-When my wounds are totally healed. Yes? -Her neck arched to tenderly kiss his lips then started mumbling something as showering his face with delicate kisses.- Because _I_... towards... _you_...

* * *

Few days later Hawke got a reply from Orsino. She was sitting before the studio's fireplace and her face as her eyes flip through the piece of paper showed disgust and bitter resentment. As if something proved her thoughts hoping to be all wrong. The cerulean discolored eyes of hers slid to him before push the letter into a ball and throw it to the flames.

Danarius was alive.

Somewhere.

* * *

**Notes:** It's a very short chapter I know, but there will no be any new chapter until next week because I'm delivering my laptop to the tecnics.


End file.
